Complicated Love // Ziam

11

Zayn's POV

I took a deep breath as I lay down on my bed of the tour bus, my face buried onto my pillow and my hands tucked into my sweat pockets.

I exhaled a loud and deep breath, repeating my actions again and again. I don't know what to do at this point, I had a lot in mind, but I couldn't help but be lazy and do nothing at all.

But I had this question in mind that bothered me a lot. A question that always seem to replay like a broken record.

The question is

"Who do I love more?"

I did sort of lie to Liam about a few days ago, I have a feeling I do love him more than Perrie, but I'm not too sure. Life's confusing, everything's complicated, especially love.

I let out a sigh of frustration, turning my body around, so I was lying on my back and facing the ceiling.

I stared at the ceiling, dazed, confused, guilty

Confused about who I love more.

Guilty about who I'm going to pick will get hurt and lying to Liam.

I blinked once and keep staring at the ceiling of the bus, which isn't moving, although it felt like it was.

I was all alone, everyone else was out, somewhere fun, and myself? Just laying on the bunk bed, dazed, confused and guilty.

Minutes later the maroon curtains were pulled open and I turned my head to look at the person.

"Louis? What?" I asked grumpily.

He frowned and looked at me with fake hurt written on his face.

"I was just making sure you're doing fine. You seem bothered, you alright?"

I let out a sigh once again and nodded my head lightly, I turned my head straight to stared up at the ceiling again and I could see Louis in corner of my eye, staring at me.

I know that he wants to know everything, the look on his face just reads that he knows that something is strange and why I'm being all quiet.

Strange indeed, that is how I'm feeling. Confused and the guilt is just eating me alive.

Why did you even lie to him? My subconscious asked.

Because I didn't wanna hurt his feelings, the truth hurts and I didn't want to hurt him. I'm already hurting the ones I love.

I always seem to hurt the people I really care and love about, it's like a sport of mine, a sport that I'm skilled at.

I was dazed into space, that I forgot Louis was just beside me, staring down at me, maybe talking as well. Not sure

"Zayn.. Hello, Zayn!" Louis shouted, making me jump a little, my heart started breathing loudly.

"Shit, Louis. Don't do that!"

I playfully pushed him, making him laugh.

"You should've seen your face mate and plus you were dazing into space. I was talking, and all of a sudden you were out of the world. What's gotten into you? You sure you're okay? you know you can tell me anything right? I've got a blunt if that makes you feel any better?"

I slowly sat up and smiled

"You've got one? Light it up yeah and I'll tell you"

He nodded and went over to his bunk, grabbed his duffel bag and got out a lighter and a blunt.

I hopped off the bed and walked over to Louis, I watched him place the blunt between his lips and started lighting it up.

8 minutes later we were stoned and I told him what has been bothering me, I basically told him everything.

"You just need to go with your heart, follow what your heart is telling you, I guess. You can't be in love with two people, I know that you love Liam more than anyone, more than Perrie and you know that as well, as much as I do."

I looked at Louis, my eyes heavy and red, I blinked a couple of times and soaked in the words he just said.

I cant marry nor love two people, I do love Liam, but Perrie. I love her too.

"Just think about it for a second, you're happier when you're around Liam. He treats you right better than Perrie, he makes you smile and happy in sad occasions. He even makes you blush and Bradford bad boys don't blush"

"Don't start, mama's boy"

I chuckled lightly, winking and bumped his shoulder with my own, I looked down at my lap and started fiddling with my fingers.

Liam does make me smile, happy and even blush. It wasn't normal for boys to blush, but when I'm around Liam, my heart seem to always flutter when he's near, it'd skip the beat at the feeling of his touch and the way his lips would perfectly moved in synced with my own.

His lips hovering over my skin and the way his long fingers move, the way he would draw random shapes and write invisibly softly with his index finger on my body.

His touch would always make me shiver in delight.

His voice would flutter my heart.

His laugh and giggle would aways make me feel like I'm on cloud nine.

Just everything about him makes me feel worthy and loved. He makes me happy and I love him.

He's the one, he's always been the one. I've been so oblivious, I've been so blind and stupid that I didn't even noticed that it's him all along.

I'm in love with Liam James Payne.

I love Liam James Payne, more than my fiancé.

Liam James Payne is the one.

*****

Written by @fakezain