soft - woosan

chapter 36

third person

the following days passed in a blur, blending into each other with the same pressed grey fog filling them and erasing a clear concept of the social construct of time.

the field trip had come and gone, passed by in what was the blink of blissful eye to some, but to others was an unforgettable number of days that revealed much more than anyone wanted, the trip leaving a much darker scar in some hearts than the easy going relief in other's.

in these following days, nothing and  everything seemed to fill the clouded hours, the hours that dragged like days and felt like years.

to wooyoung especially, who succumbed to his own misery and spoke little, opening his mouth only to swallow a dry mouthful of food here and there washed down with caffeine to keep him functioning. he was disgusted with himself, hating what he had done and who he had hurt, the boy who was so wrong, because he meant everything to him. even though wooyoung hadn't said it.

the furthest from nothing he had ever felt. if only he could find some way to tell him, to tell san everything he felt.

but he couldn't bring himself to. wooyoung kept going back to those words that couldn't be erased from his memory if he got amnesia (although, he wished he would, so he could forget what was said and done). perhaps he truly wasn't capable of loving someone.

someone like him didn't deserve san. he wasn't sure he knew the difference between emotions he felt anymore, unable to see past the blurred lines that made him believe love and addiction were the same thing. there was such a small difference between the two, though, wooyoung believed he had closed his eyes and accepted them as one in the same.

so no, san didn't deserve someone who hurt him and made him feel so  unhappy to the point that he was probably drowning six feet in under.

so again, no. wooyoung would not try to mend this broken trust he created. he would stop, if it meant san could be happy without him. he'd do anything for him.

san, however, broken and defeated had once again fallen to old habits, locking himself in his room and not talking to anyone who dared knock. sleep was a foreign word, and the taller could only believe that everything wooyoung said in the video was true.

he was good for nothing. no wanted wanted him. so they were as bad as each other, staying far away from the other boy as they could because each believed they didn't deserve one another, both destroying themselves without caring a good deal about the consequences.

hyunjin had done possibly the most notable thing by siding with wooyoung, realising he had to stand with the boy he'd known most of his life rather than abandon him for someone he'd known well for only weeks.

call him wrong, or stupid, but hyunjin had a good heart. and it drove him to not walk away from wooyoung without a full explanation.

he knew first-hand how wooyoung used to be before meeting san and getting his shit together, so he also knew very well how much the male had changed and become so much more than the damaged addict of an asshole who spoke those words they all saw on the video.

jeongin, who could only blame himself, stopped seeing any of them for a while. although he didn't send the video, he knew who did, and regretted more than anything letting it happen.

since yeosang and yunho had known the gist of the video, san refused to speak to them, feeling utterly betrayed by everyone he thought he trusted.

within the immaculate choi household, san lay on his side atop the sheets of his own bed, shiber clutched in his arms as consistent tear droplets beaded his sunken eyes.