Playing for Keeps

Can't I Be Happy?

Walked into Brits new room, eyeing her suspiciously. “What?”

She patted the space beside her, motioning me to sit down. I did so. “Summer, were friends right? Friends are supposed to be honest right?”

“Yeah?” I didn’t like where Brit was going with this.

“Now, hear me out. I’m only saying this because I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

“Well spit it out!”

“I think you should break up with Bryce.”

A wave of emotions hit me. First shock. Then confusion. Followed by betrayal. Then anger. “WHAT?!”

“Summer, calm down.”

“NO! I WILL NOT FUCKING CALM DOWN! Who the hell gives you the right to say I should break up with my boyfriend who loves me, when your boyfriend just looked at you as a fuck buddy and left!”

Brit winced at my words but continued.

“I think you two should break up because the longer you two stay together, the more it’s going to hurt when he leaves.”

I wanted to argue but something stopped me. She took this as a sign to continue.

“You know that feeling, deep inside you? That terribly sad feeling when you think about what will happen when he leaves?”

I nodded.

“Well that’s only going to get worse, the more attached you get. A year from now, when he’s leaving to go to college, you’ll be here by yourself. He won’t be here and that, I promise you, will fucking tear you apart.”
“But… He loves me, he said-“

“I have no doubt in my mind that he loves you. But once he goes to college, who’s to say he won’t fall in love with someone else? It’s a whole different world than high school life.”

“But-“ I started to say but she stopped me.

“He’s gona break your heart Summer. And I don’t want that to happen. I think it would be best if you just… I don’t know? Start pulling yourself away from him. Or just break up with him and get it over with. Like ripping a band aid off.”

I couldn’t believe my ears. But I knew that what she was saying made sense. It made perfect sense. But if I let myself truly believe her, then it would destroy me right here, right now. If I believed her, then that would mean that Bryce doesn’t love me. That I’m just his high school girlfriend that would be forgotten as soon as he left this small town.

I could feel my chest squeeze painfully, and my stomach knot up. My eyes started to water, and my lip started to tremble. I stood up on my shaky legs. Brit tried to reach for my arm but I yanked it out of her reach.

I ran out of her bedroom and to my own, slamming the door and locking it. I don’t want to believe her. Uggg, my heart feels like it’s been ripped out of my chest. Why would Brit say this?! I know she’s trying to help me, but for god’s sake!? Can’t she just let me live in my happy bubble for a little bit longer? What’s so bad about that?  What’s so bad about me being happy? Is that some sort of crime?

I pulled my knees to my chest and put my face in my hands. Warm tears streamed down my face. My breath was shaking as I sobbed.

Maybe… Maybe she’s right… Maybe if I… Maybe this wouldn’t hurt so bad…

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