Little Things

your words are sharper than a knife. yes, the word is very appropriate to describe the story of my life that changed dramatically just because a words that came out of my school friends. I'll tell you briefly, uhm or maybe in detail.

Let me introduce myself first, my name is Grace. A very beautiful name, but not as beautiful as it looks. I'm 25 years old right now. Work in an insurance company. Sounds very normal, right? But before getting all of this I had the worst experience.

this story began when I was in elementary school. everything went smoothly at first. until one day I heard a painful word directed at me. one of my school friends called me 'walking ramen noodles' in front of other students. at first I thought it was a joke, eventually all my friends came to call me like that. maybe they think that's the right call for me, because my body is very thin and wavy hair like noodles. I began to be teased often. my friends one by one away from me. every lunch break I'm always alone. Physical and mental bullies are my daily food. I was not brave enough to report this to my parents and teacher.

I once saw a fatter supplement advertisement on television. Without thinking, I immediately broke my piggy bank and went to buy it at the supermarket. when i got home i immediately drank it. the supplement succeeded in making me lazy to eat like a starving person. Within a few months, my weight had increased to 15 kilos.

it's time I entered middle school. I was very confident with my body at that time. but apparently it didn't last long. I was originally mocked like a 'walking ramen', now got a new title that is 'fat pig'. The bully came again. my self-confidence that I have built is now broken again. I'm getting depressed. my school's grades are ignored. Every night I stay up late and do cutting. once my parents asked me what my problem was, but I just answered with a shake of my head. I don't want to make them worry. I'm really depressed. every moment that crossed my mind was only a mockery from my school friends. until I met that damn thing.

when I just got home from school. I passed the small road that I often go through. suddenly a woman called out to me, I think she was the same age as my aunt. she said she often saw me through that streets, looking sad. then she took out a small package containing white powder. then she told me about her dark past as dark as mine, at first I wasn't interested. until finally she said that the 'little white thing' could relieve his depression. she named it happy medicine, which in the end I found out was meth. she offered me meth for free. I, who at that time didn't know anything, immediately accepted her offer.

when I got home I immediately entered the room and locked the door. besides giving free meth, the woman also told me how to use it. the first thing I felt after wearing it was a little dizzy and nauseous. but somehow I don't want to stop using it. over time I felt very comfortable, a very comfortable feeling that I had never felt before. I feel like flying in the wind.

after day by day, finally that thing was run out. whether accidental or not, the woman came again. she gave me continuously until I was addicted, she not only gave meth to me, but other drugs too. I felt my body was very strong when wearing that forbidden object, although I felt my body returned to its original shape, very thin.

I keep using drugs without my parents' knowledge. entering high school my addiction started to get worse. one small package of methamphetamine can be used up in just one use. and when the item was gone again, the woman disappeared. a week passed the woman didn't come. I started to go crazy. my emotions are very uncontrollable, I became an angry person even to my parents. I had trouble concentrating and started hallucinating, again. because I couldn't stand the situation, I decided to sell my things, then I went to look for drugs in the clubs. my search was successful, and my feelings returned to comfort after returning to take the drug. Since I was addicted to drugs, I started doing other illegal things. like stealing, sex parties, and getting drunk with some of my friends who are also drug addicts. it's all because of that damn drug.

year after year, and the scariest moment of my life finally came. I was celebrating my graduation day at that time. I was with some of my friends having a drug party. At first we really enjoyed the party, we toast with each other. suddenly the hotel door was broken down and several officers were seen. I was really panicked at that time. we were all taken to the police station for questioning, we even stayed overnight. my parents came crying while sobbing. my heart was broken to see it. but it's too late to fix everything.

after conferring with a judge in court, I finally got rehabilitation. I get medical treatment, counseling, etc. all of that requires a long time. but thanks to the full support of my parents, the thing that I thought was impossible I could get through. after a period of rehabilitation, I spent days with my parents on a short trip. then I decided to continue my education in college. I majored in economics and graduated on time. and as I told you earlier, now I work in an insurance company.

now my life feels better without that drug, and even better when I start to love myself. I don't have to follow other people's words to look perfect, because this is my life, right? I was not disappointed with myself in the past, because without it maybe I couldn't be a better person. and I hope that all beings in this world feel that way, without exception. because being yourself feels so good. And that little thing can make you very happy, trust me

Vira. 3rd august 2019