Another Michael

Chapter 10

Saturday comes and it's almost evening. I somehow managed to keep the 'date' out of my mind this whole time, but now that it's almost time I feel the prick of anxiety creeping in. What am I anxious about? Nothing's going to happen. No, I know that, I go back and forth in my mind, but going back to that place makes me feel a bit queasy and also I really have no idea how the evening is going to be with so much happening between me and Michael. What if I can't be nice and friendly anymore? What if it's going to be awful? It doesn't matter, I say to myself. The kitties are going to have their shelter so it's all worth it. Plus, we've been such good friends, I'd better just get over myself for one evening.

Flowing white dress, gold bracelet, coconutty perfume, mane of curls lose and I look like a Greek goddess ready to take over her minions. I'm going to hide behind all this goddess persona so he doesn't feel my growing anxiety. Come on, it's just Jason, I tell myself. Or just Michael Jackson, a voice in my head creeps in. Shut up, voice, it's fine! The chauffeur lets out a small gasp at my sight and I know I've been doing it right. He quickly recomposes himself and invites me in the car. I feel powerful and I like it. And then it dawns on me that I was angry with Michael for his Jason mask but I was doing just the same with my Greek goddess one. Hypocrite much? Well, maybe just a tad, but there's no need to make myself feel even worse than I already am. The ride seems faster that the first time, just as most roads seem shorter after the first time you walk them. I have to try hard to keep myself from biting my nails when we arrive at the rock formation. The entire ritual happens again: the shrubs, the elevator, the opening doors, the spacious and well designed living room. Wow, this is a beautiful place, I wonder what the rest of it is like. I can ask him to show it to me, we'll have plenty of time and it can be used to break the probable awkward silences. There are no cushions and pillows on the floor this time and I imagine a storage filled to the brim with those white fluffy pillows and me jumping into them through an open door and laughing out loud. I almost burst out laughing at the thought when Michael walks into the room with a stunning bouquet of the same white hydrangeas, even bigger than last time, but this time they're not covering his face. He says hello and comes towards me, hands me the flowers. They are so heavy and cumbersome that I struggle a bit with them before I lay them on a side table. He waits right next to me while I mess around with the flowers and once my arms are free he gives me this big warm hug that he's probably been waiting for all day long, by the intensity of it. I hug him back and feel his anxiety even stronger than mine, his body is almost shaking. If I'm feeling his is he feeling mine? Neah, I'm holding strong, I'm fine, I'm good. He's beaming with some inner light that suits him so well and makes him look perfectly angelic, like a Renaissance painting. His hair is completely let lose and falls in soft curls on both sides of his face and over his shoulders, longer than I've ever seen it. It looks better this way. A crisp white shirt make those curls stand out and his eyes seem bigger than ever. If only this has happened when I was still mad about him. Or even two weeks ago, before I knew he was Jason and the betrayal happened. It would have been so perfect! I would have been all over him! And now... nothing. I just notice his incredible beauty and it does nothing for me. Oh, well, it is what it is.

Probably noticing the heavy computing of my brain, he asks:

'What are you thinking about?'

'Oh, nothing, why?'

'Your eyebrows are very close together and your lips very narrow.'

'I was just wondering what you have planned for tonight', I smile.

'Oh, you know, just dinner and wine and a... you'll see what else.'

'You're not getting me drunk tonight, I can tell you that much' I warn him.

'My dear, I never got you drunk. That always happened naturally' he quips.

What a smart ass. But he's right.