Golden Hour

Filling in the Blanks

A/N: Hey guys! Just wanted to pop in at the top of this chapter to explain that this bit is kind of split into two mini chapters. We've got Alice's POV first, and then Jasper's down below! These conversations happen at around the same time, so I thought I'd put them in together.

death mention tw for this chap!

CHAPTER FIVE

He doesn't know the troubled story
that he's written himself into;
he doesn't know he's just a place for you to hide.

You ought to tell him:
best of luck, man,roll tide.

(Roll Tide, Dawes)

TUESDAY

ALICE

I don't know how to explain what happened last night.

After my conversation with Carlisle and dinner with Jasper, something changed in me. Something was lost — or gained, maybe. Whatever it is, I woke up this morning feeling, for the first time in my reachable memory, like I could exist in my own body without the incessant scream of anxiety shaking my core.

This feeling — it feels a lot like what I picture serenity to be. I want to exist in this for as long as I possibly can, though I'm sure my time is running out.

I try my best to pinpoint when this good feeling started. I certainly felt it last night, when I floated back to my room after dinner. I felt it curled up at Jasper's side in the mess hall, for sure. I try to convince myself that it was my phone call home long before that — that Carlisle's reassuring words and Esme's contagious positivity brought me this feeling of calm.

My little family pep rally did help, I'm sure, but deep down I know that how I'm feeling right now has a lot to do with that look in Jasper's eyes last night.

He watched me so intently, like I was made of something more miraculous than skin and bone. Like I was magic, or impossible, or some kind of art. His eyes on me felt like some insane, wonderful kind of recharge. Like if Jasper watched me long enough, he might heal every tired cell in my aching body.

If I'm being honest with myself, I liked it. I liked it so much. Those eyes had me feeling drunk — floating on air — like I could trust Jasper to lead me anywhere.

Jasper.

Jasper.

The name flings itself around my brain like its trying to break loose. It's distracting. I can't get anything done when I keep stopping to think about his tanned, muscular arms or those gold ringlets, or those eyes. Again — I keep coming back to those honey-coloured eyes.

The thought of his face keeps pulling me away from the array of makeup I've set out on the bathroom counter.

What is wrong with me? Why can't I get Jasper out of my head? Why am I so excited to see him? We've barely shared a hundred words and still, my heart is like a live wire, flicking with electricity and ready to erupt. All because of him.

I consider my options, fluctuating between wanting to spend the next hour putting on makeup and fixing my hair, getting myself perfectly together for our morning outing, or giving in — going as is — so I can take advantage of every minute I've got with my handsome cowboy.