Tattooed Heart || zayn malik + perrie edwards

twenty-two

[22]
j a d e t h i r l w a l l
✿

"You there?"

I look to my right and see Perrie looking at me expectantly.

"I'm perfectly fine, Pez." I lie, looking back down at my phone.

I'm debating if I should call Sam or not. I roll my red hoodie sleeves up before pressing the call button.

I leave the photoshoot area of the room and find a quiet corner to talk to Sam.

I bring my knees up to my chest and hug them with one arm while hold my phone to my ear with the hand and arm.

Please answer, Sam.

✿

"Jadey." Jesy's voice calls out but I continue to ignore her. Sam didn't answer any of my phone calls or texts.

Rumors and articles online say that he's moved on and I really hope he didn't.

I only want to talk things out with him.

Beginning to cry again, I hear my bedroom door open. Hiding myself with my blanket on my bed, I continue to cry.

"Jade, don't cry." Jesy says, as I feel my bed dip beside me.

"I miss him." I sob.

She sighs and the blanket is ripped off of me. "No more of this."

"The girls and I are tired of you crying, why don't we join the girls and guys in a pajama party?" She suggests, but I just shake my head, still crying.

"We're going to watch Disney movies," she continues, but it's not working.

I turn away from her, dry heaving. She sighs, standing up. "Look, if you want to, you can can join us downstairs. You know where to find us."

My bedroom door shuts behind her as she leaves my room. I just rub my eyes, suddenly feeling exhausted.

I know I made Jes annoyed, but I don't want to be bothered with anyone.

✿

I walk down the stairs quietly so I don't wake anyone up. Heading into the kitchen, I notice that Zayn is laying on the sofa in the living room.

I shrug and continue to be as quiet as possible before turning on the lights in the kitchen.

Placing the notebook and pen I brought down here with me onto the counter before opening the cabinet by my legs.

I reach down and grab a bottle of wine before grabbing a glass. Might as well write songs while drinking wine.

Sitting up onto the counter I open the wine bottle with the cork opener before taking a sip from it.

I don't need a glass. I move the glass to some random cabinet above my head before getting comfortable to start writing.

Flipping to a fresh page, I grab my pen and began writing.

I feel so numb
Staring at the shower wall
It's begun,
The feeling that the end has come
And now the water's cold

Why was I so stupid?

I tried to eat today
But the lump in my throat got in the way

In this time I've lost all sense of pride
I've called a hundred times
If I hear your voice I'll be fine

I miss him.

And I, I can't come alive
I want the room to take me under
'Cause I can't help but wonder
What if I had one more night for goodbye?
If you're not here to turn the lights off, I can't sleep
These four walls and me

I fucked up, badly and I know I'll never get Sam back.