“Hey Juls,” I heard Lisa almost shout as I answered my phone.
“Hi Lis,” I said. My voice was low and sad. Today I just wanted to be alone and cry, maybe eat ice-cream to drown my sorrows.
“Julianna, what the hell are you doing?!”
“I don’t know what you are talking about,” I said. I knew what she was referring to, but I wanted to avoid that topic no matter what.
“I know you do. Please do something,” she pleaded and I could picture her pouting on the other end of the phone line.
“Lisa, there’s nothing I can do,” I told her honestly. Even if it breaks my heart into a million pieces, I can’t stop the only man I have ever loved from getting married to someone else.
“You know you can Juli, it’s YOU for god’s sake!” she told me.
“He chose HER, not me. For him I’m just a friend,” I said sadly. This is why I wanted to avoid this, the tears were starting to build up in my eyes.
“No he didn’t,” Lisa said firmly.
“Come on! He did! I’m here in London and he is there in Madrid probably already putting on his tuxedo! So yes, he did choose her!” I said, my voice increasing with volume. By now the tears were falling down my face. How can something so beautiful, how can it hurt so bad?
“He is there for a reason! And that reason is not love,” Lisa said, sounding a bit frustrated.
“Then what it is?” I asked her annoyed.
“I’m not going to tell you…,”she said and I was feeling annoyed.
“Oh come on!” I said irritated.
“Let me finish, woman!” She said. “You are gonna figure it out yourself.”
“How so?” I asked her. Now I’m confused.
“You and Fernando have been friends for…,” Lisa begun.
“15 years? Or more I think,” I said.
“Right, so 15 years. In that time you two have been inseparable like 99% of the time, if we consider that fight you had about which team was better, am I right?”
“Yes you are,” I said thinking about it.
“So, you have loved him all along and he has loved you all the same,” she said.
“Lisa he clearly…,” I begun, but she cut me off.
“Shush! He loves you and that’s fact. So, he starts dating this bitch, by the way I still don’t know what the hell he was thinking,” she said making me feel a bit better. At least I wasn’t the only one who didn’t understand his choice.
“I don’t know either,” I told her honestly.
“Boys,” she sighed, “Anyway, so he starts dating her and long story short, you two start falling apart. Who’s fault? Ding ding ding! Yes! Paula’s,” she said in a serious tone and I couldn’t help but laugh.
“It was both of us, it was our fault,” I told her sadly.
“Julianna, you couldn’t stand HER, he was always with HER. It pretty clear for me,” she said.
“Lisa, listen, I did the only thing I could,” I sighed, “I took the courage to finally tell him what my feelings are and he only said ‘why now’ and he just walked away,” I said pausing for a bit, thinking about that moment.
“I haven’t talked to him since then. I ruined our friendship because of that, so for me it’s clear he never felt the way I did towards him,” I finally said. That was almost one month ago and this was the first time I was telling this to someone. When I did this, I had a little bit of hope in my heart that he would say he also wanted to be more than friends or at least that one day he would feel that way about me. I just wanted to have an answer, a decent answer at least.
