Scripts

Pigeonopocalipse

By: Brooke E., Little Rock, Arkansas, USA, Age 14
Gender: Any
Genre: Comedic
Description: A student finds an extra credit science assignment is going horribly wrong as overgrown dough attracts a wave of deadly pigeons.

(The speaker is on the phone, frantic, pretending to peer out windows nervously.)
Yes, this is an emergency. I haven't been outside my house in three days. They're out there-in throngs, herds, flocks: the pigeons. Okay, I'll try to stay calm and explain. It all started because of fungus. See, my friend Tom and I were put in a group for a science project on fungus, and there was this... extra credit assignment. It was simple; we were given a kit, and supposed to grow yeast. To make yeast, you ferment sugar found in fruits, like grapes. I decided to do it; what could go wrong?... Everything. I bought grapes at the store, and didn't pay attention to the fact that they'd been pumped full of special chemicals to grow big. When I tried to make the yeast from the grapes, I accidentally created a special, powerful yeast... a superyeast. I was so excited that I told Tom about it, and y'know what he said? He laughed and said he wouldn't believe it unless I made the world's biggest loaf. Well, y'know what? I was going to make that loaf. So I work for hours. I'm going to leave the loaf to rise under the skylight. Speaking of that nice, glass skylight... the sun coming through the big glass skylight is so warm, and cozy, and I... well. I fall asleep, and... hey, what's-WHAT HAPPENED? The yeast-it's-swelling! Growing! It's so big it's pressed up against the skylight! You gotta send help or it'll break through the glass! My cat Ringo is coming into the kitchen, guess he heard me. Be a good boy, Ringo. Ignore the fresh, yeasty scent... RINGO, NO, DON'T POUNCE! THE BREAD! He's chomping it! It's bursting through the skylight, raining dough on the neighborhood! How am I going to patch that skylight, mom'll kill me... wait... do ya hear that? Coo...coo... COO! Pigeons! PIGEONS! The pigeons are coming from the sky in a hurricane! They are like an unstoppable wave of feathered locusts, eating every scrap of bread they can get their pointy beaks on! I've gotta cover the skylight hole before they get in! GET BACK, FEATHERED FIENDS, GET BACK! (gulp) Hurry! Hurry! Oh, no... I think they're ripping through the sheets I put over the skyligh! If I don't make it, don't let them write "devoured by gluttonous pigeons" on my tombstone.