Brahms Heelshire: "__" Would Include...

Why Brahms Sucks at Consent...

Short Answer: His entire understanding of romantic relationships is based on classical books, poems, and plays.

Warning: This post talks about rape.

● His parents never taught him differently. They hadn't thought Brahms would be in a relationship, so why would they teach him about the do's and don't's of love? Mrs Heelshire's demeanor as she commented on Greta's appearance hints at how rattled both parents are. Brahms having sexual desires? Something to avoid at all costs.

● Vintage romance novels. Brahms is smart. He also clearly longs for a sexual–if not full-blown romantic–relationship with the fairer sex. Now: if you are a thirty-something year old virgin with zero experience, what would you do? Research. Ah-ha! Yet Brahms can't google 'how to get laid', now can he? He'd, therefore, turn to his next best option: books.

● He read the WRONG books. Just looking at the house itself, you know the library consists entirely of classical texts. (This is confirmed by Mrs Heelshire when she asks Greta about poetry.) Now, what valuable love lessons do these old books teach? Outdated and woefully inaccurate ones. In short, they misdefine the concept of consent.

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Note: For example, rape is only when a man violently forces himself on a woman, or the idea that coercion is okay because 'no' means 'persuade me'. (It can also only happen between a male rapist and female victim.)

What is Consent? When the person actively agrees to have sex. Drunk, unconscious, or otherwise impaired? It's rape. Coercion? Yes, still rape. This is regardless of gender, as rape can and does occur between all types of rapist and victim.

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● Brahms never learned the concept of equal rights. The idea that women are equal was not around during the time of publication. He'd, therefore, learn that females are more tools than human beings. They exist to fill specific roles–all of which revolve around their relationship with a man (and that they prefer it this way).

● He might have thought he was the hero. Yeah...I know. In many old–but not classic–romances, women are given the intellect and mental fortitude of children. They throw fits, lack basic awareness of other human beings, and are both stubborn yet easily manipulated. They also 'play at romance'. In other words, a noble male must earn her love–or rather, the female herself–through selfless acts (saving her, giving up something he wants in order to help her, etc).

By Classical Romance Logic, Brahms is the Hero.

Why? Prepare to either laugh at the absurdity or cry for the shit women had to deal with. Warning: Severe sarcasm and shade.

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Note: I'm talking about the average books written during the Regency through Victorian Era. While the gems (Jane Eyre, Pride & Prejudice, etc) are immortalized classics, the costume jewelry novels were...I seriously have no words. (Hell, even Anne references it in Jane Austen's Persuasion.)

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● He's a gentleman. When a man yearns for a woman with such vigor, he can often grow helpless in the face of such overwhelming passion. Though his desire burned with raging, even torturous intensity, Brahms never succumbed. He never once allowed himself to put his lady love in harms' way. Essentially, he could've raped her, but he didn't.

● He's loyal. (Whereas Greta is not.) I'm talking slut-shaming, people. While Brahms ached from afar, ever-true to the object of his fervent affections, Greta was accepting the attentions of another man.

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Note: He's also benevolent in his ability to selflessly forgive Greta her transgression.

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● He's the one to save Greta. Where was Malcolm when her abusive ex-lover came calling? Refusing to defend Greta, that's where. Brahms, on the other hand, managed to skillfully dispatch Greta's relentless tormentor.

● He knows her. Being a voyeuristic stalker is generally okay in classical romance logic. After all, Greta should be flattered. She'd garnered the attentions of a wealthy and eligible man–one in possession of estate and lands.

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Note: Single females are always open to male suitors. In fact, they require such masculine attention to avoid a withering constitution. It's just science.