'There's no such thing as love,'
you tell me.
My eyes lazar rage.
How dare you? How
dare you?
It is because I have asked
a favour: Love
I have just explained
is giving the Other
what they need to be
happy
despite selfish disinclination.
That's
when you right hook
my reasoning - 'No such thing as love.'
You bastard!
Is that right?
If I had the gift of blistering breath
you'd be a smouldering carcass.
You have just
handed me your head.
Do you realise that?
Do you?
How easy to say Ooooh Kaaay, then,
you're incontrovertibly right.
Don't know why it didn't occur to me
millennia ago.
Would have saved myself,
oh,
a bloody life time of wasted anguish.
See you later.
Enjoy what's left of your poisoned
life.
No more arsenic in mine, though.
In washing your hands
of decency
you have absolved
mine.
Course
I don't.
Rise to your absurdity.
To accept your acrimonious thesis
I would have to unpick
the fabric
of my entire existence.
Penelope the lot.
Turn about heel on all
that has been healing.
Goosestep all over your
skinny, mad, red neck.
I can't do it.
I won't!
It would be Death of the worst kind the:
Death of Hope;
Abandonment of Love;
Rape of Empathy.
I will
continue to love you, you bastard
against Your Will -
You sad, effed up survivor of war
and mental illness
and serial disappointment and self-delusion..
Not
because you are my
Father
but because you
NEED
Me.
Despite your pretence of indifference.
Despite the brutality you subjected me to and would continue now had you strength ...that
is LOVE
the most powerful kind in existence
because I CHOOSE
to show you
LOVE
even though you do not
deserve it.
One day soon,
you will die,
or be in the process
and I will be rung
because I am the Fixer
in our effed up
pseudo-family
and I will speed the ten hours
to you
and I will visit you
in bedroom
or hospital
or nursing home or wherever your sorry hulk
has come to berth
and I will sponge your body
if need be
against your will because everyone else will have given up on you
and I will murmur comfort
although you claim
to hate all Weakness
and I will hold your clawed hands
those brutal correctors of my fragile innocence
and I will
stay till the End, Dad
because that is Love
a love you never felt it necessary to
Give
but I will give it to you
because that
is what it means to be HUMAN Dad.
