From Ashes [#𝟏]

𝐟𝐢𝐟𝐭𝐲 𝐟𝐨𝐮𝐫 [ home. ]

A/N: This is the second to last chapter, technically. I didn't want to make the last chapter too long. So, 55 will be kinda short? Anyway, enjoy! I think you know what's going on here.

I better get some serious points for this one, fam.

Song Recommendation ["Something I Need" - OneRepublic]

NOTE: For the full experience, I do personally suggest seeking out each song rec.

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"I choose you over everyone."

- Fangirl, Rainbow Rowell

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One Year Ago

No one tells you what to do when you lose the person closest to you. There is no guide, no teacher or course in life to help you understand. People allow you to grieve but rarely in your own time. Either you take too long to process it and you're a headcase or you don't take long enough and you're a monster. There is no right way, and there is no easy way.

No one told Madeline that.

She laid in her bed the morning of Marie's funeral in her last clean pajamas. She would wash her clothes today, at some point, if only for the fact that the place would be its emptiest. It was a Sunday and so many girls were attending the service and the ones that weren't were hung over or out on missions. Maddie would give anything to be out on a mission. To be anywhere but here.

She picked at the gnarled stitches on her stomach until it hurt.

There was a knock on the door and Maddie gave a muffled 'yeah', hearing the door creaking open.

"Hey, you ready yet-" Terra's voice cut off. Maddie didn't face the other side of her bed. Marie's bed would be there, empty, unmade and waiting to judge her. There was a pause before Terra's voice lowered. "What is this?"

"Me, sleeping in," Maddie said like it was bothersome to speak at all.

An hour ago, or maybe two or three hours ago, Em and Terra told her to be ready for the funeral and Maddie answered with a grunt on her way to grab a breakfast burrito from the kitchen - a gift from Xander for all the girls. Xander wasn't there by the time she got to the kitchen and Maddie was grateful to eat in silence before heading back to bed.

"We told you to be ready," Terra said, trying to contain her annoyance on this of all days. "We can't wait any longer. Please, just...throw on whatever. I don't care. Just get ready."

"You don't have to wait." Maddie clung tighter to her comforter. "I'm not going."

Maddie could hear Terra swallow her anger.

"Why not?"

"A fyarl demon broke your arm and nearly killed you, like, half a year ago. Did you hold a memorial service for it?"

"That's not fair."

"So?"

"Marie was sick. She needed-"

"Help?" Maddie gripped the blanket and threw it off. When she got out of bed, she grabbed one of the two water cups on her nightstand before looking at Terra. "Then why didn't you help her?"

"We didn't know."

"But you did. You knew what she was doing. You said so. You made it into a joke."