City of Angels - K.L

TWENTY-SIX

He moves back slightly, dropping the kiss, but I'm frozen in place. I don't know what to say but
"Kian..."
He explains, voice soft, his hands taking mine
"I wanted to tell you. I saw you in the airport and I was mad. I was mad I wasn't going to spend a week in Hawaii with you. I mean, I was, but not with you. I was mad I had chosen Meredith over you. I should have left her the minute you stepped back into my life. I wanted to. But you found someone so fast. Whether it was Todd and then Colby. You were always happy. I told Meredith we were off as soon as we landed. And then I was mad because I knew you were still with Colby. I knew I couldn't have you either way. I was mad at myself. I'm dumb, Zi. So dumb."
I sigh, dropping my head against his shoulder. His arms wrap around me, holding me to him. He tells me
"I don't expect you to drop everything for me. I don't expect this to change anything. But this time I'm waiting for you."

Hawaii goes by in a blink after that night. The last few days feeling like only a matter of hours. But as we fly home, the closer we get, the more my body floods with dread. I am a horrible person. Kian told me he'd wait, Yeah. But our actions haven't exactly displayed patiently waiting. And all the while I haven't texted Colby once since. I am horrible. I never thought I would be this person, and yet here I am. LA is changing me man. The whole flight, my brain is occupied ticking over my course of action. What do I do? The obvious answer is tell Colby the truth and talk it out maturely. But that hurts Colby. But then again, I guess any route I take will hurt him. It's a horrible thing what I've been doing with Kian this week. I mean, not for me. But Colby doesn't deserve this. He deserves someone so much better than me.

Decision made, after landing, I head back home. Dumping off my bags, showering, and heading over to Colby's. The truth. Always go with the truth. My body doesn't want to comply, preventing my hand from raising up and knocking on the door. Keeping my arms glued to my sides. Goddamn it. He answers a minute after I knock, hair messy and only in a pair of grey joggers. I'd say he hasn't left the house all day, probably editing
"She's home!"
I gratefully accept his hug, stepping into his arms, head rested on his chest.
"How was Hawaii?"
He asks, and still in the hug, I admit
"I kissed Kian."
I feel him tense beneath my arms, he steps back, holding me at an arms length
"You kissed Kian?"
"A few times. In Hawaii."
He doesn't get mad the way I expect him to. He bites onto his bottom lip, his blue eyes searching mine. He nods, stating
"Okay. That's okay."
I raise my eyebrow at him, and he brings me to the couch. Sitting down, I join him. What I don't expect him to do is pull my legs over his lap, and he does. Just like always. I question
"That's it? Aren't you going to yell at me?"
He smiles gently, and reaches to touch my face
"No I'm not going to yell at you, Zay. If you want to be with Kian, that's okay. I know you guys have history. I'm just happy you told me straight away. It's how I know I can trust you."
I scoff
"Trust me? I go to Hawaii and kiss my ex and it makes you trust me? No Colby- get angry, do something."
He sighs
"I couldn't ever be angry at you. I just want you to be happy. And if I can't do that- I'm glad he can."
My voice shakes, I'm taking this worse than he is
"But you do make me happy..."
He hugs me to him again, telling me
"You make me happy, Zay. The happiest I've ever been. Just let me know what you want and I'll respect that. Either way, I get to say I've had the pleasure of loving you."
Got the pleasure of loving me? Fucking hell. I step out of my consciousness for a minute, assessing the situation from an out of body perspective. My assessment finds that it is bullshit. How can Kian just kiss me and all of a sudden I'm running to cut off everything else? Kian chose Meredith over me for months- I physically saw him do it that first night at the party. Why is he calling the shots- whether he recognises it or not. Because you know what, in one way or another I do love Colby. And Colby has never done wrong by me. I'm not going to run back to Kian now just because he wants me to. No. Because I don't want him to have that power. He doesn't have it. I touch my forehead to Colby's
"I want you. I love you."
He kisses me
"I love you. Now tell me how Hawaii was besides that while I cook dinner."
I raise an eyebrow
"While you cook dinner?"
He grins
"I learnt how to make spaghetti."
Bless him. I giggle
"Okay, show me what you've got chef."