His Step-Angel

Trials

The plastic digging into my back had me shifting in my seat for the third time. I had become used to the uncomfortable waiting room chairs and the overwhelming sense of forewarning that came with the smell of latex, white walls and sterilizer.
The stale air conditioning made the experience even more unbearable and if you didn't come to the hospital sick you sure were leaving with a cold. All of these things were trivial details that I couldn't help but pick at as I waited. 
Abby was firmly seated beside her mother, fast asleep. Her blonde hair pulled back in a tight pony tail enhancing the dark circles beneath her eyes accompanied by bags that surfaced after countless of sleepless nights. I felt her tossing and turning until she finally got out of bed before the sun had even risen. She was adamant about being present for every doctors appointment and chemo session her mother underwent.

I understood her need to see her mother, to know every detail, and to support her anyway that she could...but I worried at what cost. Her own health was at risk if she didn't get a good nights sleep soon. Her body can only take so much. The baggy sweater she wore dwarfed her but didn't do much to keep her warm as she shivered in her seat.
I stood from my seat, jacket in hand, but Karen waved me off and slid the blanket off of her lap and placed it over her daughter.
"She's so stubborn." She said quietly, brushing a stray strand of hair out of Abby's face. She stared at her a moment a small smile playing at her lips before turning to me. The bandanna she wore was a bright yellow, her favorite color, and did little to contrast the sullen look on her face. She had begun wearing it a few weeks ago. I knew why. It made the inevitable truth that much more evident. "You know-" she picked up the pair of knitting needles that lay in a basket at her feet and continued the pattern she had begun "When she was just around 6, she had this little blanket that she would drag along behind her everywhere she went. She would eat with it, play with it, even sleep with it!" She laughed "oh, the thing was so filthy I had to pry it from her little hands every night to wash it." Sighing she stopped knitting for a moment, deep in thought "her father had given her that blanket."

"When he past it broke my heart. She was so attached to him. You don't remember much from before you were five...and for that I was happy. I didn't want her to have to endure the pain of losing him, the way that I was. I told her stories every day, for me that was the easiest way to keep him alive." Karen coughed suddenly and reached for the bottle of water that sat beside her. My eyes focused on the slight shake of her hand and followed the IV that was penetrating her skin, pumping her full of the very thing that was causing her to lose so much, in hopes of healing her.
I averted my eyes.
"I was so lucky to have met your father." Karen suddenly said. "I never thought I would love another man the way I did my late husband." She smiled "Your father and I were friends for a long time before I allowed anything to go further. He never once tried to replace my husband, no, instead he often asked about him. He was never jealous of the fact that I would always love him." She reached for my hand and gently tugged me beside her. "Love, is a very unique form of emotion. It comes in many shapes and forms. And it is entirely consuming." Her eyes crinkled in the corners with knowledge. She leaned back into her seat and closed her eyes, a small smile playing on her lips. I was silent, unsure of how to respond. My eyes trailed over to Abby who was still fast asleep.
"James." Karen looked at me now with a serious expression. "I need you to look after her. Can you do that for me?"
She spoke as though she knew that this was imminent. "You don't have to ask."
"So, I couldn't find any of those cheese puffs you like but they had these cheese flavored sun chips that looked pretty promising." I sat back in my chair upon my fathers entrance, his voice slowly trailing into the distance as I turned Karens words over in my head. 

*****

Coming home from the hospital was a nightmare. Karen always spoke with a hopefulness that would make anyone believe that they could do and be anything that they wanted. But the moment we stepped foot into the house from the half and hour ride from Saint Ivery hospital the drugs that were constantly being pumped into her system took their toll. I could hear her as she expelled the poison from her small body, urging it to comply with her as my father held her, soothing her with his comforting words. I felt useless. Unable to do anything but watch as she faded from the Karen I knew. 

Abby appeared beside me, hands balled into fists and eyes closed. 

"Angel?" I could see her holding back, trying to keep her head. "Hey-"

"I'm fine, James." She shook her head and straightened her back. "I'm fine." Walking past me and into the kitchen I watched as she began taking out ingredients. She had been doing some much research, she was adamant about cooking everything her mother consumed from scratch. This was her hope. The last bit of it that she was gripping onto. I walked in beside her as she began to chop up vegetables on the counter.

"Can I help you?" I asked.

She looked up at me through the strands of hair that covered her face and I thought I recognized the smallest inkling of a smile. Without a word she handed me the knife and moved over. Together, as we prepped dinner for the next few hours we stood like that. Finding comfort in the silence and each others presence.

Later that night I waited for Abby to emerge from the bathroom. Dinner had been quiet. Karen didn't have any sort of appetite but insisted on joining us. She wasn't the only one who wasn't eating. I stole several glances at Abby throughout dinner and watched as she merely pushed her food around on her plate. She didn't know that I had been keeping tabs on her eating habits. I was beginning to worry. 

"What's wrong?" Her soft voice filled the room and I looked up at her standing in the doorway. She wore a blue camisole and matching shorts, my eyes flickered to her neck and collarbone where pale skin stretched over peeking bone. She's lost weight.

"Nothing." I replied smiling tightly. She sauntered over and took her place in bed beside me. Suddenly she leaned over, pressing her breasts against my arms and began to kiss my neck. Although the feel of her skin against mine sent a tingling chill through my stomach I haltered her movements. "Wait, Angel."

Swiftly she slid into my lap and pressed her lips against mine. Her lips were rough and determined, body moving against my own with one clear purpose. I pulled my lips away from hers to catch my breath. "Angel-" Her lips crashed into mine, teeth clinking together as she became forceful with her attempts. I couldn't deny the feeling that she produced from me and she knew that. As her hand slipped into the waistband of my shorts and gripped me with a ferocity that caused a grunt to slip past my parted lips. "Angel!" I managed to pant out.

"What!" She yelled. "What, James. Don't you want to?" She asked, chest rising and falling as she panted for air. 

"Angel, I do. But I don't think it's the best time to-"

She cut me off "You don't want me anymore, is that it?" Her eyes narrowed, a feverish look swirling in them that I had not seen before.

"What?" My grip on her arms tightened as I held her against me "Of course I do. I-"

"Good." Before I could say anything else her lips were attacking mine once again. The force of her body crashing into my own and being caught off guard pushed me onto my back. Her body lay splayed across mine, Aligned in all the right places. I could feel her hard nipples as they brushed against my chest and could not stop the groan that escaped me as she ground herself against me. Something wet dropped against my cheek followed quickly by another. My eyes popped open just as the salty substance trailed down onto my lips. I felt her body begin to shake slightly. 

"Angel..." Her small frame began to shake harder as a cry broke out from her parted lips. I pulled her into my arms and held her as body trembled, my chest infused with her tears. I didn't ask her if she was alright. I didn't talk at all. We lay there bodies providing comfort and the silence the solace that I knew she needed. Eventually she lie still, chest rising and falling evenly but even then I didn't let her go. I held her against me, wishing I could take her pain away. I pulled the blanket higher above her shoulders and kissed the top of her head. "I'll be here...for as long as you'll have me." 

Soon my eyes began to fall and I allowed sleeps temptation to take me.