To Free A Broken Butterfly

Unjust Tears

I drew your gun up to my head, trembling as I did. I had planned this so many times before, but I never thought it would be so hard. I don't know why it was hard to lift the gun, I'd experienced much worse than a single gunshot before.

After what felt like hours, the gun was resting on my temple, sweat gathered on my forehead. I was so concentrated on not dropping the gun that I didn't hear you stomp up the stairs. When the door opened my focus was snapped back to the present. But the present wasn't somewhere I wanted to be.

You were looming in the doorway with the artificial light streaming in behind you. My mind told me to shoot myself now before you could stop me but it seems my hand had other plans. I shot, but the bullet didn't touch me, not even a graze, it flew right past. Unfortunately, you were its target instead.

The bullet pierced your skin, right in the stomach. A scream tumbled from my lips as you collapsed to the floor, my heart was pounding in my ears. I stumbled over to you, scared of what I might find. My breath caught in my throat as I realized my suspicions were correct. You were still breathing but I knew you were wounded beyond repair.

You looked up at me with a lost expression then your face cracked into a grin. "Well, it's about time," you mumbled weakly.

My eyes widened at what you said. "I...I...I didn't m-mean to..." I stuttered as my eyes filled with unjust tears. This was my abuser, I thought, the one who has made my life a living hell for years. But my voice of reason was drowned out with the sight before me. I can't ignore the fact that you are my father and that no matter what I always loved you, even when I hated you, even though you scared me to death, I would always love you. Life changes but love doesn't, it's always there even if it's just buried under piles of denial.

Your eyes were fully shut, your breath shallow. I knew this was your end, the day you'd die. I should have been happy, but I wasn't, there were four words standing in the way.

"I love you, dad." the words sounded strange, but true. True and tragic. Your lips curved into a peaceful smile, as if everything was okay now that I had told you that. This only made my tears come more fluently.

You were dead long before I let you go, my cheeks were streaked with tears as I lowered you to the ground. I reached into my pocket and drew out the photo I had picked up in your bedroom minutes before, placing it in your hand.

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