Chapters that were read: I and II(partially)
Grammar- I didn't see many if any major grammatical mistakes beside a few misspelled words. I had to keep in my mind that this was the unedited version so there will probably be fewer faux pas in the revised version. 20/25
Fluidity- That probably was your strong point . The transitions from the narrative portions to the quotes were quite good. It wasn't very descriptive but it was probably for the best. The way you wrote the story is indescribable...to me it just feels natural. 25/25
Overall- I think the usage of first person will help you a lot as you go further into this story because, in my opinion, I don't think you need to be over the top descriptive where you can paint the setting and the action with the feelings, thoughts, and reactions of that particular protagonist. I also like the 'mean girls' feel to it because you give the audience a sense of where the story is heading but there's always a possibility that you have some twists and turns up your sleeves. I guess I didn't read far enough to see where the symbolism of shoes will come to play but it is a great trope for this story. I'm just throwing random thoughts into the air but perhaps the mean girls don't understand the protagonist and that is probably where the shoe reference will come in but you can only read on to find out. 42/50
Cons- One thing that was really bothering me was the italicized parts where your protagonist addresses the audience. I was having trouble distinguishing whether it was an Author's Note or the thought of the protagonist. I settled with the latter. " My life is about to get a whole lot exciting! UGH!, I spoil the plot..." Uh...Yeah let's avoid doing that. I'm not sure where you're heading but try not to to take away the suspense because sometimes it can be the most entertaining force of the story. Never rob the audience...NEVER... -8/50
TOTAL RATING: 87/100
Percentage: 87.00%
Average of other books(so far): 87.00%
