Chapters that were read: I and II(all parts)(That would make 10 mini-chapters in total.)
Grammar: Phenomenal sentence structure, diction, punctuation, and spelling. Everything just flowed. Uh...WHY do you need me to review your story again? 25/25
Fluidity: As with most stories that I've read, the fluidity was there. I liked how the first couple of paragraphs depicted the setting of a particular scene and I enjoyed how the characters interact with one another. It is very natural and anything but mechanical. Great job. You seem to have a special talent at using the right adjectives and analogies to depict a character/scene/setting/action. Brilliant stuff. 25/25
Overall: You requested a lengthy review but let me let you in on a little secret: Lengthy reviews aren't necessary a good thing. Anyways, I wonder if you're going to revert back in forth between the omniscient and unbiased third-person point of view and the more subjective first-person point of view. This may be a tad too late since your story has already taken off but incorporating and then alternating between the two could help you create even more tension in your story. Another suggestion I had was regarding the character, Mr. MacDougal(What a funny name to say). You initially presented as Mr. Academia, the teacher archetype that most students fear, but during that dialogue with his students, he sounds almost out of character. I guess I expected him to speak extremely eloquent and former thus him speaking like everyone else kind of threw me off.(Yeah I'm really reaching for something to critic on but that's just how good your story is.) Obviously, I have not read the entire story but this is pretty damn good. . Once again, Why do you need me to review your story? 48/50
Cons: All humans are flawed. The author is human(I think). The human author wrote this book. The book must be flawed.I didn't have anything substantial to critic on so I used poor man's deductive reasoning. -0/50
TOTAL RATING: 98/100
PERCENTAGE: 98%
Average of other books(so far): 86.75%
