Holding Hands Won't Be Enough

Chapter 4: Da-Da

Milly had decided to get out of the house early the next morning, leaving before anyone else in the house had stirred. Her mind was purposefully static and numb, avoiding all thoughts and notions that Ville was under her roof - it was only once she closed the car door behind her and she was safe in the confines of that space that she felt herself relax. She had turned and looked at Oscar in his car seat behind her, quietly playing with a toy truck he was grasping; he was used to early morning starts, often accompanying her to her office as the guilt of leaving him at daycare was more than she could bare. Today was different though, she had called Gwen to meet her at the house - knowing she'd be awake early for one of her many exercise classes - and arranged to go for breakfast in the Valley, which turned into lunch at the Grove, which then turned into an afternoon stroll around the markets, all the while not once mentioning her situation.

As she pulled the car up to her driveway mid afternoon, Milly hoped that Gwen would hop out as they waited for the gate and go home, but instead she insisted one coming in for a wine, positing that she felt something was going on with Milly and that they should talk about it. Swallowing hard and nodding, Milly agreed - she needed to tell someone. Seth's car wasn't in sight but still she slowly opened the front door, pricking her ears searching for any sign of people being home. Not being able to hear a thing, she deemed it safe to enter. "What is going on with you?" Gwen laughed, confused by the strange, albeit it subtle, change to Milly's demeanour.

She plonked Oscar down on the bottom step of the staircase, "Nothing.." she replied dismissively, pulling Oscar's shoes off as Gwen made her way toward the kitchen.

Gwen's gasp echoed through the hall, "Oh my god." she blurted, dropping her phone to the ground with a clatter.

Dropping Oscar's shoe to the ground, Milly rushed towards the kitchen, "What? What?" she panicked, quickly turning to glance at Oscar on the step as she entered the kitchen. As she came up behind Gwen her heart palpitated heavily: Ville, Seth and Bam were in the kitchen - headphones in, in front of a monitor Seth had rigged up on the kitchen table, though quickly removing them to assess the panicked woman before them.

"They just gave me a fright is all!" she turned and shot Milly a bitter glare, her hand pressed to her chest.

"Hey baby!" Seth said excitedly, "Want to come to a show tonight? It's going to be amazing." he asked, sauntering over and planting a kiss on his cheek. He smelt of beer, she looked to Bam who was currently nursing a bottle and the two six packs sitting on the table by their workstation. Any excuse to start drinking mid afternoon, Seth would find it.

"Oh, I've already have plans," she responded without though, "with Gwen." Gwen cocked her brow and nodded stiffly at Seth. "Um, this is Gwen."

"Nice to meet you." she offered to the two tattooed men sitting in front of her, before snapping and locking to her friend's eyes, "I gotta dash, but let me just grab the thing before I do."

"Yeah, yep." Milly agreed, thankful that her friend had her head screwed on in this moment. She followed her though to the sitting room, not that she had a choice as Gwen was gripping her wrist tightly. She couldn't help but know what was coming; Gwen was too smart not to click on immediately.

"Oscar's father is Ville Valo? Are you fucking kidding me?" she spat in a hushed, but angry tone.

"Gw-"

"Matilda. What the fuck!?" she said with an almost petulant stomp. "I can tell a mile off he's the father of that boy. You think other people can't? What the fuck!? What the absolute fuck!?" she persisted. Milly squirmed, she hadn't rightly explained it to herself yet and coming from her friend's mouth, it sounded awful.

"Calm the fuck down, someone will hear you." she whispered with distain, pulling her friend further into the room. "He just fucking turned up here; Seth is working with them." Gwen shook her head and looked away, sucking her top lip as she thought.

"I can't believe it."

"Can't believe what?" Bam said, sauntering into the room with a beer and a smile. Milly snapped to a standing tall position and composed herself.

"How little it cost to reupholster all these sofas. Amazing what you can do with a staple gun, huh?" she smiled, placing her hand on her hip and pointing at them. Gwen nodded her head.

"Oh." he said unconvincingly, stifling a laugh, "I woulda guessed we were talking hush-hush about Ville is your kid's da-da." He smirked, dragging out 'da-da'. Her stomach lurched. She had gone from no-one knowing to two people standing in front of her expectantly wanting details in the space of two minutes.

"I..."

"-banged Ville and ran away with his baby?" Bam pondered aloud.

"No!" she snapped, angrily. "No, not at all."

"Then what Mat, tell me?" Gwen asked, sympathetically stroking her arm.

"Yeah, tell us." Bam chimed in, perching himself on a chair arm. Milly stared right through him, knowingly he'd know the story up to her leaving inside out, "Wille stops short at you bailing out of Helsinki."

"Not here."

~

"I don't fucking believe it..." Bam said aghast, picking up one of Oscar's dinosaurs. She had taken them up to his room in order to explain what had happened without prying ears.

"Babe, why did you never tell me?" Gwen asked seriously.

"The less people that know.." she shrugged.

"But, fuck, dude... Look at him!" Bam gestured, before reaching over and tickling Oscar's belly, causing him to laugh Ville's laugh, "He is Ville!" she looked at her son. Her beautiful little boy. Bam was right, he was. His eyes, his hair, even his damn teeth that she adored so much on his father.

"You need to tell him." Gwen nodded, taking Milly's hand in her own. "He's going to work it out for himself anyway." Bam nodded in agreement. She shook her head.
"I can't." she protested, "It's gone too far - I've not forgiven him and now he'll never forgive me."

"But he loves you to death." Bam argued.

"He fucked... another woman... in my bed..." she said blankly. "I found him pile driving Jonna, in my bed, the day I went home to tell him I was having his child." she frowned, Oscar clambering onto her, clinging his little arms around her neck, chewing on a Tyrannosaurus Rex's tail, she hugged her arms around his body. "You don't do that to the woman you love to death. If he can hurt me that badly, how will he break his heart?" Both of them saw the unresolved sadness in her face and neither of them had anything to say.