Love, Lies, & Life Support

My View Part One

Waking up in the morning, with a smile on my face. My whole life I looked at the sun with a positive out look in life. Even if later on the day I'll be hurting. As I put medleys inside my ears, I'm ready for what the world will throw at me. Knowing that can be farther from the truth. I know how the pattern is. Each day, their is someone ready to bury my face in the ground and remind me how much of a worthless person I am. Or a person who has a sliver tongue and try making me out the bad guy or use my heart and break it over and over. But that's okay. There has to be something to humble me down. It's better that way. It's the world telling me to become stronger and I have. That's what I like to think anyways.

Don't worry about it though. I'm not alone. I have proven myself to people that are now my family. Through the storm, I decided to dance in it with them. They give me a reason to keep trying even if I've been kicked and bruised. They give me a reason to smile and laugh things off. I just wish I told them issue that I'm having. Instead, I'll wait till the problem pass and affects me to my bones and then I'll tell them it as a story or a joke. I rather not let them be burden with my petty problems.

I wish I can see what they see in me. I look at my reflection and I just despise how it looks back at me. It's disgusting honestly but funny to look at as well. A girl with two repulsive brown eyes.

Pushover

Unusable

Coward

Yet, I can still pull up a pathetic smile. As much I get nauseous of myself, I can still be happy. In fact I've been a clumsy, dumbass who is full with energy. Just remembering how wonderful everything else can be. Even through my trauma and troubles. Even through the isolation and molestation. I'm going to laugh and look how beautiful the world can be. 

Because I don't want to think of how messy my issues truly are

Especially with her.

Him.

Them.

Don't mind this plea.

Please let me block all of these awful memories. The day were he left me unusable. The day she ripped me in half. The day they where disappointed in me. I don't want to think of them anymore, please stop.

Again, don't mind this cry.

I wish I could say that I don't care. I wish I can find a way to erase all of these petty issue. Please I'm asking for help. The one person I want is so far and so distant.

So cold.

It hurts.

I want to be a good girl. I don't want to be a disappointment anymore. Anyone, just tell me, I've done my best in this world. Please tell me what you need. Let me be useful again. Why is it so dark here? Just hold my hand at least and tell me I've done a good job.

I've tried fixing myself but it doesn't seem to work. I've done what my friends tell me to do but it doesn't work. It just keeps growing. I can't rationalize the pain they have cause me. My heart won't let me forget. I'm in such agony. In such suffering.

Just skip this, why are you still reading?

It's weird though, because I maybe in such discomfort and yet, I can't feel anything else now. What a joke. This is a comedy show and all I can do is just laugh.

It's pretty hilarious, don't you think.

You know, I take it all back.

I'm sorry for explaining all of this and what a stupid child I am. This was just a funny story. Don't fret about me. Yeah, I'm use to it now. This is alright.

It's night time. I'll sleep and I'll be okay. It's fine. I'm going to wake up and live with my demons. I'll enjoy the torture.

It's the day when I don't smile in the morning.

I won't care anymore. You'll lose me.

Till then, thanks for being there. I'm more grateful already.

Howdy guys, I'll be making more parts by what my dumb mind goes through. But I want you guys to pick a story that I should tell next.

Bus

or

Rumor

Till then, thank you for reading this dramatic story of my mind

From, Juststuffuknow