CONFESSIONS

I hate you too.

"But we do." 

A calm and deep voice answered behind me and I didn't have to turn back to know that it was my Papa's. My Maa  and Dev's parents were also with him. They must have come down after hearing our raised voices and argument.

"Whatever decision we took that day had helped you both. You both have done extremely well in your studies which will help you life long, be it in your career or further studies." Papa continued in the same calm voice which infuriated me more.

"Papa, I don't mean to sound rude or anything, but have you ever considered that success and happiness in my life is not just about good grades? I had few guys crushing over me in college. Did I care? Never. Did it ever affect my studies? No!!  I had just one person that I cared for, and you and your so called great decisions and concern took him away from me. I suffered..." My lips trembled again and bit them hard, " and I cant explain to you how I suffered all these years, pining for this guy, hoping and praying... you never get it, do you?"

"Yes dear, what do I know. I have become a father straight from childhood, I have never been a young man was I?" Papa said. If it was meant to be a joke, it was a pathetic one. I just looked at him, as I tried so hard to control myself. 

Papa came near me, but I moved back a little and looked defiantly at him. "Chandu, I know, in fact we all knew how you might react if you came to know about this. But we were ready to take that risk, because frankly speaking, at the age you guys were back then, I wasn't sure Dev knew what he was talking about."

It was Dumbledore and Harry Potter all over again. Why cant elders understand that young people deserve to know the truth! I  opened my mouth and closed it again. Because I was this close to say something which I would regret later.

I saw Dev's hand reach out to me but I moved away from him. I just couldn't believe that he hid all his feelings from me, and kept hurting me all along. I could forgive my parents for not understanding me, but Dev? Never!!

My Maa intervened.

"Chandu, please. I know how upset you are, but tell me one thing. Are we your enemies? Would me or Papa or for that matter Dev's parents have anything but your best interests in our heart? It was never about good grades in college, you both needed to be more mature. What you think is the best for you when you are Seventeen  changes so much  when you become Twenty one or Twenty five. And we all wanted to make sure that you don't make hasty decisions about each other. Trust me, all of us would be so happy if you and Dev decided to get married."

LoL.. I never had a boyfriend and here my Maa is already talking about me getting married. Do they really don't get it?? There's no point in arguing with them. They wont understand or change.

And then a soft voice spoke which broke all my defences and anger. It was Dev's Maa, who was just like my mother to me, but with whom I shared  more things than my own parents.

She approached me and cupped my cheeks in her hands.

"We are sorry if we hurt you dearest. I know that whatever I say or do now wont undo what happened, but we have suffered too. As a mother, nothing grieves me more pain than to see my children unhappy. And for me, you are just like my daughter. And I have seen what Dev went through, how lonely you felt...." She kissed me on my forehead and I just broke down...

I couldn't stop myself  and hugged her hard and cried my eyes out. How long I was like that, I had no idea. I had a vague sense that I walked along with her upstairs to my room and lied down on my bed. 

****.

A loud noise was coming from somewhere and I blindly grabbed another pillow to cover my ears. The numb ache at the back of my head had now reached my forehead and my throat felt so dry. I swallowed hard and opened my eyes a tiny bit. I was lying on my favourite pillow and the offending noise was coming from my mobile which lay charging on my bedside table. I made no attempt to get it.