Closure

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I sip the smoldering coffee in my hand, trying to rid myself of the obtrusive headache from last night's deprivation of sleep. No, not what you're thinking. I forced Nick to leave once my parents pulled into the drive, despite my real desire to keep him there next to me. I had made a frivolous decision to sleep with him yesterday, I don't regret it, it's just that I'm not very proud of it. I wish I had been stronger and more rational. My lack of self control makes me want to recoil in shame.

Just like how I let Nick have his way, and mine slightly, last night, I'm doing the same thing right now. Sitting on a rusty, white painted chair on the balcony of his crap hotel room, looking anywhere but him.

Across a table, that matches each of our chairs, sits Nick. I can practically feel the irritation radiating off of him due to me ignoring him. I know, I'm being completely childish since last night could clearly be pinned as my fault. But yet, here I am, blaming myself rightfully so, but taking the hostility out on him. Which isn't fair. In my defense, I'm mad about plenty more things than just the sex.

"You wanted to talk yet you're not speaking. kind of an oxymoron." He breaks the tangible silence.

"Fine," I rub my temples. "Why did you leave me at the-"

"No, first about last night."

"What about it?" I hope he doesn't see through my nonchalant facade and I hope he drops the subject.

I force myself to face him, eyes begrudgingly looking at his. His intimidating eyes are wide, perplexed.

"What the hell are you playing at?" He nearly yells before closing his eyes, calming himself down. "That was the most meaningful and life changing decision I've ever made in my life so far. We were.. I- It was important to me. I felt.. I don't even know. It's never been like that. I know you, and I know you're trying to brush it off like it isn't significant, when in reality, it probably meant a hell of a lot more to you than you wanted it to."

He was utterly right. It knocked the breath out of me at how just right he is. We've only known each other for two months, part of that he was gone, yet he already has cracked my code of security? I always keep a false frivolous persona up. I always pretend to take things lightly when in reality my brain is probably near the point of spontaneously combusting.

"You're right." I can only manage the few words and hope he gets the depth behind them. "But I'm not acknowledging that until I get a few answers first, okay?"

I wait till he nods.

"Why did you leave me?"

"It was a semi-selfish need to kill Michael; he hurt you."

"You didn't think to wait and ask me about it? Maybe I wanted to come. You probably went by yourself too, didn't you?" I scold him, "you could have gotten killed! Do you have no regard for your safety?"

I immediately quit talking when I realize I'm sounding like my mother.

"So, what you're trying to say is - you were afraid for my life and now you're glad I'm okay." A smile spreads across his lips tantalizingly and I find my anger no longer having conviction.

Of course I was afraid for his life. Scratch that, I was utterly perturbed at any thought or possibility of his life being threatened. I remember his words to me at the hospital:

"That's why I'm going to find him and end this. For you. I'm going to go now, Erin."

I had tried to push it to the back of my mind, unable to fully decimate the lingering fretfulness I felt. It was there. It was prominent and consuming. Two weeks I spent wondering where he was, if he was okay; before I had to force myself to focus on other things. When he showed up in my room, I wanted to strangle the life out of him. But more so because of how he scared me to death. I wanted to strangle him for being an idiot and putting himself in a dangerous situation.

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