The Wrights

Loneliness

Mark observed his brother's with a keen eye, taking a sip from his water. Leaning back, away from the dining room table, Mark shifted in his seat. Marco was preaching about family bonding to his parents, who were just eating it up. It was like everything Marco said, narcissistic or not, they loved wholeheartedly. Then again, it was obvious he was their favorite. Mark slid his eyes over to Marcus, the topic of Marco's conversation. Marcus had recently joined their family, having come from foster care, and none of them really knew much about him. He was pretty reserved and stayed in his room a lot. He would always smile and respond when spoken to, but you can always tell his smile was an empty one, as if he'd practiced it beforehand.
Marco had wanted to do something together as a family, and what he suggested was going to the play "Oakerella". Of course he would though, he was the male lead of that dumb play, and he wanted to show off why he had gotten that chance. This wasn't about bonding over the love of theatre and childish romance, it was an excuse for Marco to show off. Focusing on Marcus, Mark realized he was acting more off than usual. From his fidgeting legs to his downcast eyes that looked at no one but the food on the table, he was silently begging for an escape. Marco was making him extremely uncomfortable, and understandably too, Mark didn't want to see the dumb play either. He would rather tell Marco he loved him than sit silently in the school theatre, surrounded by judgmental strangers. Looking around at everyone else, Mark noticed Markie's eyes light up. They were always bright, but with Marco's speech, they were almost sparkling. And Mac seemed intrigued too, smirking slightly as he added to the conversation, teasing Marco for just wanting to show off his acting skills. Mark sighed, it was five against two, there was no way he'd win. Besides, he'd probably be labeled as a buzzkill for even offering up a different idea like he always was. Things would just be easier if Mark let it go and suffered in silence. It was always easier that way.
"Um.. I'm sorry, but.. Is it okay if I don't go..?" A voice spoke up, pulling Mark from his thoughts. He looked over to see Marcus, connecting the fact that he was the one who had spoken. He was still fidgeting under the table, but he had finally looked up. He was meeting Marco's eyes now, which were wide with surprise. "Huh? Are you trying to tell me you *don't* want to see my show? But, we worked so hard on it! I promise you'd have a good time!" Marco assured, trying to convince Marcus, but Marcus simply shook his head. "I'm sorry.. I just.. Don't like plays. Maybe some other time?" Mark heard a disappointed sigh from Markie, and looked over to see he sat lower in his chair, his bright eyes dimming. Mac took over Marco's job and began to try convincing Marcus himself. "Come on, have you even seen a play before? It's not fair of you to just hate something without trying it." Marcus shook his head again. "I already said I don't want to. Can't we just leave it at that?" Marcus was more firm this time, not even apologizing anymore. Mac leaned back in his chair, his eyes rolling as he sighed too, definitely annoyed. "Fine, buzzkill. Way to ruin the mood." Marcus' shoulders fell along with his eyes, all that resolve he seemed to have looked like it melted away with Mac's words. Mark frowned, his heart twisting with tension as he narrowed his eyes at Mac, glaring at him with sharp judgement. "There's nothing wrong with a different opinion, Mac. And, actually, I don't want to go either. Seeing a play that you've already seen the movie of is dumb. The plot will be the same, except the acting will be a thousand times worse and everyone will be a thousand times younger. And since everyone will be silent, there won't be much time for "familial bonding". It's just opening night, anyways. There will be another one soon. Just force us to go next time." Mark directed the second half at Marco, thoroughly shooting him down. The atmosphere of the dining room shifted after he spoke. Marcus was looking at Mark now, and they both shared a slight smile, they were in this together now. Mark's mother looked at Mark with a soft but stern gaze. "There's no need to be rude like that, Mark.." He was a little snippy, but that still didn't give anyone the right to force them into anything they didn't want to. And now that everyone knew they didn't want to go, that had to mean something. Markie spoke up next, smiling slightly. "I guess it can't be helped then! We can't force both of you to go." Mark's parents agreed with him, debating over what to do now. There weren't any other things going on today that would distract Mark and Marcus as everyone went to see the play. And with how the conversation was turning, it looked like Mark and Marcus would still have to go, because of that. That was, until Marcus offered up the obvious. "Why don't me and Mark just stay home? I'm kind of tired, anyways.. So I wouldn't mind just staying here." His idea wasn't taken too highly though, almost immediately Mark's parents offered an excuse for why they shouldn't do that, saying Mark and Marcus being seventeen and sixteen wouldn't be safe staying home alone. Mark didn't buy it though, what they actually wanted to do was to learn more about Marcus. They were trying to integrate him into the family without making it obvious, though they were doing a pretty crummy job at hiding it. Maybe that was why Marcus was rejecting them so harshly? Mark didn't get to think further on that though as Markie countered their parent's' reasoning with his own. "But, Mark has stayed home alone a bunch of times! So why is now any different?" Their parents didn't seem to have an answer, unable to directly say why, so they eventually agreed to Marcus' terms. Mark caught Markie's eye and smiled a little as Markie winked at him, Markie really did always have his back.
And so, this was how Mark and Marcus were left home alone together. Marco was pretty disappointed, but he got over those feelings pretty quickly when his parents promised him a treat after tonight's show. Marco left earlier than anybody else to get some early rehearsals in before the opening night, and everyone followed suit a few hours after. After the house was basically empty, Mark didn't even notice. He simply laid in his bed, blaring his favorite rock music into his ears. Sitting in the darkness of his own room, comforted by the cushion of his mattress, Mark had more time to focus on himself. With that internal focus, Mark realized something. Normally, Mark would feel glued to his bed, mentally locked into his music as he stared up into the blank sky of his ceiling. His mind would drift and the room would slowly swirl away, carrying him down into the ground in a downward spiral, gradually making the world darker as he fell. And with each loss of light, Mark's heart would hurt that much more. No one would save him. He was alone, alone in a pained trance, forever trapped until someone came to save him. Only comforted by the voices of those who'd fell down the same holes, screaming out their pain into his ears. Today was different though. Mark wasn't falling anymore. His room was dim, but it wasn't the same pitch blackness that swallowed him up the moment he laid down. His heart was light too. Not with happiness, but not dulled with sadness either. Even the rock music he was listening to starting to get on his nerves, becoming more discomforting than anything. Mark slid off his headphones and turned off the music, resting both his phone and the headphones beside him as he sat up. Looking over at his "My Poisonous Romance" tapestry, Mark could see just a sliver of his window behind it, a window to darkness. It wasn't that late, but maybe the stars would come out tonight. Mark got off his bed and wandered over to his door, leaving his safe space to enter the house he called home. Walking past Marcus' room down the hallway, Mark noticed his lights were off. "Guess he's sleeping..." Mark mumbled, feeling a twinge of disappointment. Going downstairs, Mark grabbed a bottle of water before stepping outside into their yard. It was a fenced off place, half paved with smooth stone that broke off into the grass. Flower gardens of red and black roses, white daisies, green tulips, and bright yellow sunflowers decorated the open field, all connected with a dirt path starting at the edge of the stone. Mark took a seat on that edge, placing his feet into the grass while sitting on the stone, resting his water bottle beside him. Tilting his head up to the sky, Mark put his arms around his legs and laughed softly. All that he stared up at was a pitch black night. Of course no stars would be out tonight, that would be too good of a day for him. But, even with that minor set back, Mark didn't feel any different than before. He noticed how cooling the breeze felt on his hands and bare feet, cooling him just enough to make him not too over heated from his hoodie and pants. It was also very noisy outside. Bugs buzzed and chirped in the night while tree's hummed with the breeze, both joining together to create a natural calming chorus. Mark let out a soft sigh and lowered his head onto his knees. He really could fall asleep out here. Mark was about to dose off when he heard the glass door behind him slide open. Mark swiftly turned around and saw Marcus step outside to join him. He was in black boxers and a white large t-shirt that seemed way to big for him. Marcus sat down beside Mark and looked up at the sky, speaking without looking over at him. "You're a loner just like me, aren't you?" Mark shifted a little, eyeing Marcus. That was a pretty forward accusation, and certainly not a compliment. "I guess.." Mark gripped himself a little tighter.
"Yup, I thought so." Marcus smiled. "That's why you decided to help me. Because you understand."
His tone was warmer than usual, more sincere, making Mark relax. "Why'd you come outside though? I thought you were asleep.."
"I heard you get out of your room, and after I heard a door open, I thought you might've left to go somewhere! So, I thought I'd see if you left me or not." Marcus turned his head over to look at Mark, giving him the same smile as he always did, a rehearsed one.
"Don't smile after saying something that.."
"Sorry sorry! Force of habit.." Marcus' smile eased into a calm neutral expression. His eyes moving down to the grass they both had their feet on.
"I didn't leave you, I just wanted to get some fresh air."
"So it seems.. It is nice." Marcus let out a quiet but content sigh. "Do you do this often when you're home alone?"
Mark shook his head. "Never. This is my first time doing something like this.. I usually don't leave my room unless I have to."
"It's safer, isn't it? Staying in there all the time.."
Mark quickly glanced over at Marcus without moving his head. "Yeah... It is."
"No one to tell you who you are or label you as something you don't want to be.. Free from judgement, criticism, fake smiles, and fake love.. A place where you're able to express yourself exactly as you want to, without any worries. That's what your room is to you, right?"
Mark stared at Marcus for a long time. How did he figure out all those things about him when they've hardly spoken? They were family now, but still. Knowing all that was more than he can say any of his biological brothers knew about him. "How.. Did you know all that..?"
"Because that's what my room is to me. Or at least, partially." Marcus smiled sincerely at Mark, again. "Being alone gives me time to think and delve deeper into myself.. It drives me to create meaningful music."
Mark's mouth parted as his eyes grew. "You compose music?"
Marcus laughed softly and waved his hand dismissively. "Nothing too outstanding or anything. I just write a lot of personal emotional stuff. Things I can't really perform in public, you know?"
Mark nodded, calming his excitement. "Yeah, I guess that would be too embarrassing. Not to mention terrifying.. Having your heart out in the open like that."
Marcus nodded as well. "So, I keep it all to myself. I haven't been able to practice recently though.."
"Why not?"
Marcus looked away from Mark. "Just haven't felt like it yet.. Anyways, you seem into music, do you have a particular genre you like?" Marcus seemed intrigued in the conversation now, looking back at Mark.
This time, Mark dodged his eyes away. "I kind of like rock and heavy metal.. It can be good, sometimes." Mark checked Marcus to see his reaction and was surprised to find his eyes sparkling with joy.
"I love rock songs! The chaotic notes and emotional vocals really give meaning to the lyrics. I always listen to those type of things to help me get through tough times.. It's like, hearing them scream out their feelings lets me vicariously scream out my own with them."
"That's exactly right! And there's nothing wrong with listening to stuff like that either. It's not emo or childish to enjoy rock music. Everyone's allowed to have their own tastes, so no one should be shaming anyone for enjoying that kind of music."
"Maybe I should try writing a rock song.. It would be interesting to hear with my guitar."
Mark's eyes shined as he smiled at Marcus. "You definitely should. I'd love to hear it sometime, too. If that's alright.."
"Of course it is." Marcus returned Mark's kind smile. "Haha, now I'm really inspired! I wanna get to writing this song right now!"
Mark watched Marcus, his smile melting into a soft one. If only Marcus would show this side of himself around his brothers, then maybe they would be nicer to him too. Though, sharing this simple moment with him, just the two of them, was special. And Mark wouldn't trade it for some dumb play he's already seen the plot of. "I'm glad we ditched that play to stay here. It's a lot more fun talking to you than sitting quietly in a theatre bored out of my mind."
Marcus laughed softly and nodded. "Yeah, I like talking to you too. After you helped me out this morning, I knew you were a good person. You just look scary. Like a cliche bad boy from some romance novel!"
Mark snickered, what a comparison. He didn't know whether to be complimented or offended. "Actually, I think it was the other way around. I didn't want to go to that play from the get-go, but I didn't have the courage to stand up alone against my entire family.. After seeing your example though, I found that courage and stood beside you. So, thank you. For helping me stand up for my opinion."
Marcus' eyes softened with kindness as he smiled at Mark. "No problem. It's what brothers do, right?"
Mark smiled with him. "Yeah, that's what brothers do."
The two spent more time talking out in the backyard, bringing up whatever was on their minds, until it was getting very late. Mark stood up and dusted himself off as he yawned. "Okay.. I think I'm gonna head off to bed." Marcus joined him in a yawn and stood up as well, smiling a little. "Good idea."
Mark turned to go inside when Marcus let out a gasp.
"Mark look!!"
Mark whipped around to see what Marcus was talking about and followed his eyes up to the sky. Mark's lips parted as some clouds whisked away, revealing a bright shining moon above twinkling stars. All of them were bright, but the shiniest of them all were two stars: they sat beside one another, accompanied by each other, in the large dark sea of the sky.
"So pretty.. Aren't they?"
Mark nodded slightly, unable to say much more than that. How long had it been since he'd just stare up at the stars like this?
Entranced by the stars above, Mark simply stood there, standing beside Marcus. He didn't know for how long, but eventually the back door swung open and an arm was thrust around Mark's neck, dragging him in for a hug. Mark wrinkled his nose as he looked up to see a grinning Marco. "Hello my beautiful brothers! I'm sorry I was gone for so long.. Hopefully you didn't miss me too much!~"
Mark sighed at Marco's egocentric remark and shoved him away. "Not really. How was the show?" Instead of Marco answering, Markie hopped outside and did it for him. "It was amazing!! You guys should've seen it! Marco's singing was to die for!" Mark laughed and rolled his eyes. "I'm sure it was." Mac wandered outside next, with their parents following in suit. Mac spoke up before them with a raised brow. "How are you all talking out here? Aren't any of you cold?" No one got a chance to answer him as their mother gawked at the sky. "Oh wow, look up at the sky everyone!" Everyone's heads lifted up, each reacting to the sky's natural beauty in their own way, just as Marcus and Mark had. Mark grinned a bit at all of their reactions, they were a little late to the party. Apparently Marco didn't care though, cause he was still talking to Marcus, paying the sky no mind. Marcus didn't really seem like he wanted to listen, but Marco kept on talking anyway. Mark's attention was stolen from them though, as he noticed someone walking over to him. It was Markie, except he didn't seem as chipper as he did before. As he stopped in front of Mark, Mark noticed his brown eyes were shining with a tint of worry. "It wasn't too lonely around here without us, was it?"
Mark glanced over at Marcus again, who was now being harassed by one of Marco's bear hugs, before giving Markie a smile. "No, not really."