True Pain MxM

Chapter 1. Inner Demons

This is who I picture as Jackson aka Jack.

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Jackson

Today is friday and I can feel my other self slipping. Normally I can control him but with the stress of finals coming up it's a struggle I just haven't fully gotten a handle on lately. You see I have split personality disorder. While my other half doesn't have a different identity, he does have a completely different personality. He is slightly crazed and more into self harming and very depressed side. While he won't hurt anyone else he will definitely hurt us. With finals coming up I can not let him out, which I usually have a pretty good control on him and keep him locked in and really asleep so to speak. However if I can't manage to get him under control I have to find someone to dominate me and have wild crazy sex tonight.

See i won't take pills, i've tried that before and it made me feel dead inside, and also very sick. So sick I lost 15 lbs in 3 days. After that I refused to try anymore. I was diagnosed when I was 12. After I accidentally attacked someone. I had anger issues than too but I never lashed out and physically attacked another person before. I hurt the kid bad and his mom just said that instead of pressing charges I needed to seek help or she would. The judge agreed to the terms and I had to go to a psychologist.

The first one put me on the pills, and as I said I refused to take them after getting sick. That was the only way he was willing to help me. So I baked a batch of brownies and I crushed up the pills and put them in there. My next appointment I brought them to the office as a goodbye gift and said the I wouldn't be returning.

The judge choose a different doctor and that one just gave me different mind games to see how easily angered I would get. He said so he could treat me. One day he gave me one of those toys with the water and the rings with the spikes. And you have to press the button to make the ring float to the top and hook the spike. Well after five minutes my other side decided enough was enough and we tossed the damn thing out the window. Doc got mad and said I had too many anger issues and without pills he couldn't or wouldn't help me. So the judge found another doctor.

This one told me I needed to talk in order to get my anger out. Every time I finished a sentence he asked me how I felt about that. Honestly retelling my issues made me less angry than that question did. One day we had enough and we picked up one of his big comfy chairs that docs seemed to love and threw it at him. He told the judge I was hopeless and there wasn't enough therapist in the world who could help me.

I was told to give anger management a go. Not something I wanted to do but I also didn't want charges pressed on me at 12 years old for assault and almost killing someone. So I went all of one time and I got kicked out. Well I happily walked out after I told all the people in there who were crying because daddy wouldn't buy them a new car to shut the fuck up their lives were not that damn bad. I flipped their refreshment table over and walked out. The boys mom saw it was truly a lost cause. She didn't press charges and the judge ordered me to never go back there again either.

That was the end of them trying to fix me so I let my other have take over my body while I shut down. And boy did he have fun.

In those months he tried to kill us, several times, many different ways. The first, your traditional pill popping. He took a hand full of different types of pain pills out in the middle of the woods where he thought no one would be. Little did he know after they started to kick in someone happen to be jogging and saw us lying on the ground next to the pill bottle. They forced us to wake up and forced him to throw up. Then took us to the Dr. where the doc finished getting the rest of them out of our stomach.

Next he tried to jump off the bridge into the river. But what he did not account for was the tide. When he decided to jump the tide was low. It was deep enough for the rocky bottom to cause any damage but not deep enough to kill him. He just bumped his head on the rock close to shore.

He didn't give up there. There was a set of train tracks near the high school. He decided to tie out feet together so we couldn't run and sit on the tracks and wait for the train after he learned the schedule. The same person from the woods saw us and got to us when the train was only 10 ft away. We could feel the vibrations from the train on the tracks, the metal starting to heat up as it was coming toward us. The heat from the engine and the noise so loud from the whistle right in our ear. This was our moment. But then all of a sudden he felt rocks on his back and a body on top of him. The heat by his face was of the ragged breath of the boy who saved his life not once but twice.

He tried again. This time he figured he would just slice his arm open and bleed out. He did it by the school of all places. Right on school ground. He was behind the school near the science lab doors. It was after hours of course so he thought no one would be coming this way. He slit up our arm on the main vein using a razor blade. With a shaky hand did the other arm. He was passed out and starting to go into shock when yet again that boy came walking towards the school with a box of lab supplies for a project. He saw us on the ground shaking yet again and immediately went into action.

He tied off the flow with rubber tubing he had in his box. He had fishing line and a hook and stitched the vain closed and light stitched up the cuts in our arms. He then had a air hose and a needle and connected it to his arm and mine and gave me enough blood to keep me from going into shock. And then took us back to that Dr. Yet again.

After I woke up, I found out that Dr. was his father. And the boy said he wasn't going to let me out of his sight anymore because he kept saving me and he feared one day he would be to late. I figured it was time to take over control and tell him what was happening with me. And me and Brandon have been best friends since.

So needless to say I need to get him under control tonight because he can not have control over me. I've worked to hard and have come to far from the 12 year old I used to be to control him on my own and made it to college and I have finals to worry about.

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