Bumble Bea (GxG)

Five words

"So what if I am?"

Why did those five words leave my tongue, is this not what I have tried to hide and deny my whole life. It's scary what can happen in the heat of the moment. I think this as my mother becomes rabid. She slams a handful of cash on the counter and storms out with me in tow.

"Beatrix Esther Adriel! You are an embarrassment we are leaving get in the car!"

The car drive home is silent yet filled with fumes of my mother's anger. I try my best to hold back tears but my attempt is futile, I let a few silent tears down my cheek hoping she won't notice. Why did I say those five words.

We pull into the all too familiar driveway and mother finally makes a sound other than a dramatic sigh here and there. "Kitchen table, we need to talk," I sit for a second looking away with tears still in my eyes. "Now!" She adds sternly. I make my way there trying my best to avoid her burning gaze.

Once I take my place at the kitchen table I am barely able to look at her. "So you've decided to put all my hard work in shaping you into a young girl fit for marriage to be gay?" After a few seconds she wipes a tear from her eye trying to flip the attention back on herself. "What did I do wrong?"

"Nothing." I barely manage to respond. "I'm still me mother"

"No, you are a disgrace against god." She spits back. "You are lucky if your father and I even let you stay in this household. We will discuss this after he gets home from work, for now go to your room." She rests her head in her hands. I couldn't get out of the room fast enough. Tears were spilling from my eyes as a stumbled up the stairs.

I flop onto my bed and remember every way I had imagined this talking place. I'd imagined everything from being outed by a friend to being caught with a girl, never coming out because I knew how they'd react. I remember the fear the first time I heard them discussing LGBT+ topics and having my first panic attack. Thinking they'd have my head if they ever found out. Now they've found out.

I was thinking about Natilie that one poor girl who's parents didn't accept her because she was born a Nathan, her parents go to my fathers church. They forced her to go and talk to him, when father got home was furious. Purely from the fact she existed. And the time that gay marriage was legalised a few years back, how both mother and father were furious.
My mind was racing, remembering every homophobic comment that had burst out of their mouths. Them unknowingly sending sledgehammers down on my world.

I burry myself in my blankets hoping that no one will ever find me. That if I'm still enough I might just stop existing. Then I get a text from my father.

Has mother already spoken to him, does he know? Will he still love me? Did he ever love me? 'No Bea he won't love you, you are everything he despises.' I can hardly bring myself to open the text.

Father:
Held up at work make sure to have done your chores by the time I'm home and have cooked dinner. Your mother deserves some time off. I'll be home at 6:15

He doesn't know, he won't know for another almost three hours. I need to leave before he gets back, the only problem being where do I go? The only people I know are from church and by no means could I go to them with something like this. None of them really like me anyway.

After a while of thinking I come to the discussion of just packing a bag all the money I have and leaving. There is only two months until I'm 18. Shouldn't be too hard. Grabbing a duffel bag I start packing away clothes, toiletries, books, money, my laptop and chargers. I can use the libraries power and internet. Lastly I force my sleeping bag into the duffel bag. Won't be that comfortable sleeping on a bench but it's better than what father will do.

With that thought rattling around my head I decide to sneak out so mother doesn't notice. One hour before dad gets home I start my escape. I slip on a coat then open my second floor window and lower my bag down using an old skipping rope. I then proceeded to silently slip out of the window and into a tree. As I climb down the tree I silently say goodbye to the house I grew up in, so many good and bad memories were made here. I slip past the hedges and I've made it out.

The wind chills me to the bone so I decide to go straight to the towns library. Its an hour from my house but I still decide to walk. Walking down the hill to town has been the most peaceful 50 minutes of my life.

I feel free.