For the heart

The buzz

TO: harrisonw@witthouse.barnett.com.au

FROM: kateblair@holmeshart.com.au

To, Prick

No, following Saturday night’s platonic meal, I will not be amending my title for you.

P.S. I did enjoy the lobster though, tasted even better knowing you were paying for it. If only we had champagne, who knows where the night may have lead…

 ___

TO: kateblair@holmeshart.com.au

FROM: harrisonw@witthouse.barnett.com.au

To, platonic Kate

Glad you enjoyed Lobster, I would like to think I would have enjoyed it also, if you had left any for me to try.

Memo:

1. Buy platonic kate champagne for research purposes

2. Call HR and report inappropriate sexual suggestion from rival firm

___ 

TO: harrisonw@witthouse.barnett.com.au

FROM: kateblair@holmeshart.com.au

To, Prick

Moet if possible pls

Memo:

1. Call HR and report rude remark about scoffing all the shell fish from rival firm

___ 

TO: kateblair@holmeshart.com.au

FROM: harrisonw@witthouse.barnett.com.au

Friday at Marco’s, glass of Moet on me

Memo:

1. Platonic kate likely an alcoholic and using me for free meals/wine/transportation

2. Enquire as to who Kate will be taking to Witthouse Barnet, Holmes and Hart gala this year

 ___

TO: harrisonw@witthouse.barnett.com.au

FROM: kateblair@holmeshart.com.au

Memo:

1. Kate definitely alcoholic abusing free food, wine etc.

2. Kate taking one of many strapping suitors who beg for her attention (not someone from opposing law firm who sends her harassing emails all day and distracts her from very important duties).

___

TO: ameliagreavespa@holmeshart.com.au ; oakleydennis@idifurnishings.org.au

FROM: kateblair@holmeshart.com.au

Dinner, which was NOT a date with Harry was ….. Phenomenal. The food was more expensive than a month’s rent, and it was sooooo good.

Harry’s meeting me at Marco’s for happy hour on Friday. Gah

 ___

TO: kateblair@holmeshart.com.au ; oakleydennis@idifurnishings.org.au

FROM: ameliagreavepa@holmeshart.com.au

a. Yes, woo, very excited for you blah blah etc. etc.

b. WHAT?! Harry Witthouse cannot intrude on single-ladies-Marco’s-ritual, Harry bloody Potter can’t intrude on single-ladies-Marco’s-ritual.

I don’t want my weekly chance of whinging about loneliness, insecurities, empty future etc. to be ruined by your dashing new office crush!

Have you no empathy for the less fortunate, Kate!? Two minutes no longer single and you turn into a self-obsessed, patronizing ... STRANGER. I just dont know who you are anymore. 

 ___

TO: kateblair@holmeshart.com.au ; ameliagreavespa@holmeshart.com.au

FROM: oakleydennis@idifurnishings.org.au

Re Amelia’s break down: Second that will be annoyed if Harry Wittperfect intrudes on Marco’s ritual AGAIN. Unless he brings a few hot (equally well educated) men for myself and depressed Amelia.

I say a few, because we want a couple options, room to move, you know? If one’s a dud, at least we’ll have another option to work with.

 ___

TO: ameliagreavespa@holmeshart.com.au ; oakleydennis@idifurnishings.org.au

FROM: kateblair@holmeshart.com.au

Yes, you both are right.

So v. sad that I have possibly found decent guy to have happy, healthy relationship with. How selfish of me.

p.s. Will endeavour to get handsome lawyers, clerks, economists etc. for you both on Friday.

p.p.s Amelia I can see you sneering at me from your desk

p.p.p.s Sit down, David from payroll is at the printer, and is staring at your ass.

p.p.p.p.s To be clear, even though possible, not interested in relationship with Harry/professional acquaintance. As will undoubtedly end in complicated, horrendous situation. AND I'M STILL SINGLE AMELIA...IT WAS ONE BLOODY DATE.