almost dead..

Chapter 14

Holidays. Everybody loves holidays! I do to. But since the fcking life happened, I don't. Today, I have the worst day of my life! Uncle passed away, cousins moved to another country, parents quarreling, I got involved, beaten up, EVERYTHING!

This is the worst. Problems, not one, not two, BUT MORE THAN ENOUGH! I need a rest really. I tried skating downstairs to help me release stress but it failed. I tried drawing on a paper but it failed, again. Singing, failed. Dancing, failed as well. Social Media, failed also. Books, failed. Chats, failed also! Cuts.. It usually passed. But today didn't. It didn't helped at all. Only sleep passed. Well I guess that was my medicine after all. But I was wrong. It only passes today. Not on any other days.

Next day, school. Normal. But, it seems I can't stand the pain already. The problems and mean act of my parents was like a freaking tape playing over and over again. I actually got a feel of numb. My whole body felt numb again. This time, even numb-er. I feel like dying. Really. I asked myself; Am I dying? I am finally really dying today? I need to. I can't stand the pain anymore.

I asked myself the same thing. Don't you realize. But this time, I was the one who wanted it. Maybe when I die, they finally realize I meant so much to them. I showed them I care. The numb didn't end. I come home with numbness.

We had a 4-day holiday based on the PSLE Markings for the Primary 6. I stayed in my room for the whole 4 days. Food? I can't feel any hunger. All I felt was numb. Not even thirst. On the last day, I went out while parents didn't bother. Things ain't got better. I decided to make a choice to commit.. you know. Before that, I texted my family, not my friends. Because I'll feel guilty to do that. Because I know I have friends who care. People who care and love. But I can't take it anymore further. It's to painful! Only death can stop the pain, permanently. This is fact. You gotta believe facts.

I was at the bottom of the tallest building I know. I went up to the last level. I cried, and started laughing. I became crazy, that's what you thought. People who laugh and then cry/cry and then laugh are physco people yes.

( NOTE : I'm changing certain parts of the real story into a made-believe because i don't want to specifically tell you my real story )

I.. Let me explain why did I do the crazy act-The loves one whom I love as well.. I am leaving them.. ( cry ) . Those stupid judgers who talk / spread rumors about me on my back will be blamed. ( laugh )

I put my phone on the floor, because it's precious. I don't want it to be spoilt or broke into pieces. Because it was bought by my mum.

I stepped on the railing and looked downwards crying and saying " Sorry world , I'm not worth it to live. I'm sorry . I didn't born perfectly . I was born to be a disgrace . I was never accepted by the people whom I REAAAAALLY love.