Ex-bestfriend

Letter

A/n: there will be a bit of a long authors note in the back
Hope you enjoy!

Dear ex-best friend

How have you been doing without me? I hope you're doing fine. Cause I'm not. I feel like my whole world has been flipped upside down and yet everything is ok and normal. But it's not. You're not here anymore.

Why? Why did you leave me? This was the question that came into my mind at first. You don't need to answer it anymore. I realised the answer. I am not worth anyone's time.

After you left, I changed completely. I had no one to turn to. I was waiting for you to cool down and come back to me. I thought this was just like any other fight we had. But it's not. I was waiting for to come back running back into my arms with a huge smile on your face. But you never, and mean never came back.

And it entirely broke me. I realised that everyone will leave me sooner or later leave me after they're done using me.

You taught me to push away everyone I love, so that no one would have deal with me. To shut myself down and to disappear. I have now convinced myself that I'm doing all this for the best. So that others can live in peace.

I blame myself for everything that has happened between us. You did nothing wrong. I was the one who shut you out. I was the one who stopped sharing everything. I believed that by keeping you in the dark, I was keeping you safe from me. That if I distance myself it wouldn't hurt either of us. But I was very wrong.

Because of what I did when I did it, I killed one of the best friendship I knew. In my head I thought you would always forgive me. I could not have been more wrong.

What hurts the most is that we stopped talking without an argument. We fell apart to ruins and burned like the embers of a thousand willow tress without a huge fight. Without any fight. 

What happened to us happened, without me knowing it was going to happen. You obviously knew. I wish you would have given me a heads up so that I could have been ready to go through all of this pain alone.

You may think that my friends and family are there to help me through all the pain, but they are not. They didn't know about this until recently. And still they don't do nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing about it. I mean what's it to them if my best friend hated me? Right?

One of my biggest shock was that you lied about me. I wish you said what you said straight to my face instead of saying it behind my back. I gave you the knife which is the sharpest of all knives I own, thinking and believing that you would guard it well. I never expected you to use it to stab me. To hurt me and throw me onto the ground bleeding.

But it's ok. People crazy things when they are hurt or left out. And I left you out of everything. I want you to know that I never did that out of hate or to hurt you or make you feel left out. In my head I did all of that to protect you from me. From the person I was becoming. And you didn't see that.

I don't think you'll forgive me for all the things I did, but I want you to know that you're forgiven. You may think that you did nothing wrong but you have done one thing. Which is hurt me. You're forgiven for that even though everyone else says I should forgive you that easily.

I will always love you with all my heart. No matter what you do or say, you will always have a special place in my heart. And that place is only for you. Hope you never forget me and still love me. Wish a very bright future. Remember that I'm always there, right next to you in highest highs, and your lowest lows.

With love,
Sara

A/n: this may be very short but that is how I'll be updating my stories. If I'm feeling like it I may write it long. Btw this story is here on wattpad because my bestie C_Elix  motivated ( practically begged) me to do it.
Thank you and that's all I have to say.