Leia and The Underworld

7: Just Coffee

I arrive at the coffee shop I had told Hades about after my appointment. This particular shop is kind enough to serve wine as well, although usually after 7 in the evening. They overlook that rule and my age, and I toss back white wine. I think back to my words to Hades. It's a date. Was I insane? My parents would kill me. I pull out my phone. Who could I call? Luke was on a no speaking basis, as were mom and dad. Genesis was not only a snitch, but she was now dating my brother. My parents were fine with human-God relationships, but if I even looked at Hades...

I stopped myself, realizing I was resentful of their disapproval. How could I resent them for worrying? My feelings, which after months of sex dreams were apparent, scared me. I liked him. I wanted to climb him like a tree. I also had feelings. He was cute and sweet and he seemed to understand me. Most men, especially gods, would slut-shame me. But Hades was patient with me. Perhaps I needed to explore the only man I had ever had feelings for. I opened up the journal and. Wrote down my thoughts.

Stuff to talk about with Jenna, my mortal therapist

I like Hades. I think I could fall in love with him.

I do not want to live in the underworld.

I do not want to fall in love with a man I have no future with.

I also want to explore my feelings with Hades.

What the fuck do I do?

I put the pen down. I needed another glass of wine. Everything was upside down.

***

Hades came in a half an hour later. I noticed now the tiny details about him. When he was not in the underworld, he dressed so casually. He was wearing a leather jacket and sunglasses as he walked in. He pocketed the shades and I glanced at his dark eyes. He saw me and smiled, waving. He went to order and I felt my heart kick up a few paces. I am so fucked. I caught the god damn feels. Still, I was excited for the first time in months.

He sat down and we had a casual conversation. He could easily make me laugh and swoon, and it was easy to get lost in conversation. I did not feel like I had to pretend with him. To every other person in the world, Hades seemed to scare them shitless. But I saw this guy who made me feel worthy and relaxed. Something about the way he didn't judge and the way his almost smile, but it didn't overtake him. He was subtle. Reserved.

I told him about the realm I was in, my realm. A Goddesses realm tells you a lot about them since you can create anything. My family's realm is huge and full of silly things. My grandmother lived in a recreation of fifteenth-century Versailles.

"So what did you do with your realm?" Hades asked. He basically asked to see my soul.

"I made a small island with a beach hut. It is full of cherry blossoms, which don't normally grow on the beach. But I wanted something peaceful, tranquil. And I love the cherry blossoms at the university. "

"Are you going to go back to school?" He asked.

"No," I said. "It's a mortal path. I need to find my path, like a goddess. My purpose. Hey, now I have a goal to share with Jenna."

"I have a good book to share with you," Hades said. "It's about the purpose and all that crap. It is pretty helpful."

"Maybe I could swing by the underworld to grab it sometime."

"Your dad might kill me," he laughed. "I could come to your realm. Where are you at?"

"Just left of my grandmother on the immortal plane," I reply.

He nods, knowing what I mean, even though it is a very vague description.

"That space was yours," Hades said. "I wondered who lived there. We are neighbors, sort of. You are underworld adjacent."

"Oh," I said.

Something flashes over his eyes as if some sort of puzzle piece has fallen into place. I do not ask questions since I do not want to know what he is thinking about. How easy it would be to call me over for a late-night booty call to the underworld. Would I say no? That was the real mystery. It was probably a fifty-fifty chance.

"Maybe I could write down the name of the book," Hades says as he grabs my journal. He opens it up, probably assuming it is empty. He was so quick and so smooth, and I just froze in place. His eyes flash to the page and I try to slam it shut. I am too late. "I am so sorry..."

"It's fine, " I say. My face is probably a bright red tomato. "I was just.. I..."

He has seen my journal entry, the thoughts I wrote about him. This was mortifying. I try to explain it away, find any reason I would write my honest and blunt feelings.

He doesn't give me a chance to stammer anymore, but pulls me forward and lays a kiss on my lips. My shame disappears and I am seized with a different feeling.

Electricity. Warmth. Happiness.

He tries to pull back as if he regrets the exchange, but I pull him in closer and deepen the kiss. Seconds pass and we have not parted. 

Fuck it all, this was a kiss. 

Finally, he released me, and I fell back into my seat. I was stable but everything spun around me.

"I like you too," he whispered. "Which is why I don't want you to live in the underworld either. It is an awful place. I want you to be happy."

"Shit," I whisper. "That was nice."

"Yes, it was."

"I don't do this... relationships I do not date or do the hearts and flowers. I never have wanted it. I don't do this..."

"Neither do I..." his voice is soft.

"I cannot be your wife," I said. "I can never be with you, not really. "

"Some part of me does not give a fuck." He shrugged his shoulders. "So what if we cannot be together. I like you and spending time with you makes me feel...well shit, Leia, it makes me feel. So I will take whatever I can get. Friendship, pen-pals, a girlfriend who will only ever be able to make it to third base. I will take what I can get and I will never do anything to hurt you."

"I think... I need to think..."

"Leia, we have all of eternity to date, or not date. But I do care for you. Whatever you decide, please don't cut me out of your life. I don't have a lot of people I trust."

"Ok," I said. "Me neither."

I grab my stuff, feeling the need to leave and be alone with my thoughts. He walks me out a stops me on the street. He pulls me into a long, deep kiss. This time, I do not resist and am not surprised. Despite the fear, the rational reservations, I fall into it. It feels right, perfect. Shit. He pulls back and says goodbye, leaving me to my thoughts.

None of these people on the busy Seattle street know the magnitude of what just happened. They don't know that I was kissing the king of the underworld. Then I see a familiar face in the crowd. On the other side of the road, I see David De Silva watching me. He had seen everything. He knew. Why was he here? That could not be a coincidence. Was he stalking me?

He walks away and I shake my head. He would probably tell his brother, who would tell Wesley. Everything was going to spiral again.

I had to go home. I had to deal with my shit. It was time.