Fallen From Grace

Ten

Every day that Kristine was back home came with a new set of overwhelming situations. It started with media which was the worst of all. It was one time she was overly glad to have Mother Elena beside her. The woman was a force to be reckoned with and it didn't take much for her to have the new reporter's scurrying like ants.

After the media came her fellow sisters. Abby was her best friend and hadn't asked for such personal details of what happened. She sure wasn't going to spill her gruesome story to her sisters if she couldn't even talk to her best friend. Once again, Elena came to the rescue. She ordered everyone to give Kristine space, let her rest.

As if that weren't enough, in the following days a welcoming mass was held in Kristine's honor. By the end of the week, her cheeks hurt from all the fake smiles. She was mentally and physically drained.

Mother Elena had given her two weeks to adjust to being back home before encouraging her to get back to her work duties. Nothing felt the same anymore. Kristine felt like a shell of a person, going through motions that no longer held meaning to her. She spent her nights crying and every moment of free time she had, she withdrew from everyone.

Abby took her return the hardest of all. She watched her friend fall apart night after night in the room they shared. She saw the empty sadness behind her eyes and there was nothing she could do. It broke her heart to see Kristine this way. She'd learned from the media what had happened to her friend. She offered an ear if Kristine wanted to talk, but the woman grew more silent with each passing day.

Several times, Abby woke to the sounds of Kristine whimpering or screaming in her sleep. She'd crawl into bed next to her and hold her while she cried.

"Kristine this isn't healthy. Everyone is worried about you. I really think you need to talk to someone" Abby said one night as the two women sat together on Kristine's bed.

Kristine scoffed and shook her head. "I can't do this anymore, Abby." She whispered.

"Do what Kristine?" She asked softly.

"God's work" She spit out. "It doesn't feel right anymore. It doesn't feel good to serve Him. He let me go through hell and for what?!" She cried, her voice getting increasingly louder.

"Shh! You'll wake everyone. And you don't want Mother Elena to hear you speak that way."

Kristine groaned and untangled herself from her friend, getting out of bed and pacing angrily. "I can't do this anymore!" She yelled, pulling at her hair.

"Kristine!" Abby hissed in a hushed whisper. She got up to stop the woman from pacing, putting her hands on Kristine's shoulders. "Pray with me. Only God can heal your wounds" she said softly and Kristine lost it.

"You don't get! It's all a load of bullshit!" She cried, shoving her friend away. Abby stumbled back at the push, eyes wide. In all the time she'd known Kristine, she'd never heard her curse. Not even when they were teens. If anything, Kristine was the one chastising Abby for foul language.

The door to their bedroom flung open and Mother Elena stood in the doorway, a scowl on her face.

"What in God's name is going on?" She hissed. She looked from a frightened Abby to a seething Kristine. "Come with me. Now." She spit out at Kristine, reaching out to grab her arm. Kristine pulled away roughly, crossing her arms defiantly over her chest. The look Elena gave her had her quickly and quietly muttering an apology. Head down, she followed the woman from her room.

Kristine didn't say a word as she followed Elena downstairs to her office. She instinctively sat in one of the hardback chairs and waited quietly for Elena to sit behind the desk. Elena pulled out the second chair and sat beside Kristine. Her scowl softened and she placed a gentle hand on the other woman's knee.

"Kristine, I understand you're having a hard time. I understand you're faith has been challenged. But I cannot having you shouting and cursing in the middle of the night" Elena said softly.

"I'm sorry" Kristine whispered.

Elena sighed and sat back in her chair, slapping her hands lightly on her thighs. "Look, I've arranged for someone to come talk to you. A counselor. She deals specifically with situations like your own."

Kristine's mouth fell open. She definitely didn't expect this turn of events. "I appreciate that" She said slowly "But I'm not interested...Mo--" She continued, but was cut off.

"I'm not offering you the option, Kristine. The counselor is approved by the dioceses and will be here tomorrow at 8 am. So I suggest you go back to bed and get some rest." Elena stated.

"You can't force me to do that!" Kristine protested with narrowed eyes.

"8 o'clock, Kristine." Elena stated once more and rose from her seat, walking out of the room.

Kristine sat dumbfounded in the dark, as Elena had shut off the light assuming the woman would get up and go back to bed. She was angry before, but now she was furious. Anger didn't sit well with the nun and she silently cried into her hands.

She wasn't sure how long she'd sat in the dark office before trudging back to bed. Morning came all too soon and she was awoken with the sun shining through the window. It was 7 in the morning and she dragged her hands over her face. At least no one had made her get out of bed at the usual 5 am wake up time.

The convent had a small work out room in the basement. Kristine had never really utilized the equipment, but found since returning that the exercise helped expel her frustration. And she'd be lying if she didn't admit she like the way her muscles had begun to tone. She felt stronger and that somehow made her feel a little better about her situation.

She was on mile three of her morning run on the treadmill when she heard her name ring out over the sound of her heavy breathing. She paused the belt and looked over her shoulder to see Elena with an unfamiliar woman at her side.

"Kristine, this is Debra from the dioceses. Why don't you take a break from that and you two can chat upstairs." Elena said in a tone too friendly to suit her personality.

Kristine's anger bubbled up seeing the women. She clenched and unclenched her fists, deciding it best not to respond for fear of saying something she couldn't take back. She restarted the treadmill and jacked up the speed.

Elena huffed out an exasperated breath and began to storm over to where Kristine ran. The woman Debra, stopped her with a hand on her shoulder.

"No, it's okay. We'll just chat down here if that's alright?" Debra said, hoping to placate both woman. Elena gave a curt nod, before looking to Kristine.

"Behave yourself" She said sternly and turned on her heels to head back upstairs.

"Hi Kristine, is it okay with you if I stay down here with you for a while?" Debra said once Elena had disappeared from sight.

Kristine grunted in lieu of responding. It's not like she had a choice.

Debra took that as a yes and pulled up a chair taking a seat beside the treadmill. It irked Kristine that the woman was here. She didn't want to talk.

"I see now that my presence here was not your idea. I'm sorry for that. I know it's hard to open about about tragic things when you're not ready to talk." Debra said, gaining no response. "Well I suppose if you'd rather not talk, maybe you'll be okay with just listening?"

Again no response. Debra nods in understanding. She spends the next hour giving Kristine her background information and why she does what she does. She moved on to stereotypical counselor stuff. 'It's not your fault what happened. You're entitled to feel however you feel. Sometimes bad things happen to good people. Yada yada yada.'

Kristine half listens to the woman as she continues to workout, moving from the treadmill to a yoga mat. She appreciated that Debra doesn't push or hound her to talk, but is still grateful when the hour is up.

"I hope this has been helpful for you. Maybe next time you'll be willing to talk. I get sick of hearing my own voice" She chuckled.

"I appreciate your efforts, but there won't be a next time." Kristine replied with a tight lipped smile.

"Oh?" Debra asked.

"I've decided to leave the church" Kristine stated.