Good for you

4. Felix is home

Harvey at the moment:

I saw her tonight, and I haven't stopped thinking about her since that moment. I wish she's mine again. I think I did the right thing by telling her the truth right away. Okay, one piece of the whole truth. I also thought that by now I'd stop thinking about her.

I went back to the boys in the booth hoping that Lila would show up, that she'd jump on my lap, kiss me while I hugged her. She would go back to my place with me, I'm sure. I'd kiss her all night. I wouldn't let her go. Not again.

„Hey, Clark! Are you on earth or in heaven?" - Phillip yelled at me, the drummer of the band.

„I was just thinking."

„About what? Can we know?" - Kevin hopped up with his nonsense.

„Today I may have done the best or worst thing in my life."

I didn't feel like explaining anything anymore. I said I was going to get a soda, and I went home. When I smell alcohol now, my head goes through the scenes that night. If Lila knew the reason why I left her even though I didn't want to, I think she'd hate me even more. Maybe then she'd realize how much her brother is an asshole but I couldn't bear with Lila knowing the real truth. But now... Felix isn't even in the country.

It was barely one o'clock when I got home. I heard dad snoring in his room, so he's deep into his sleep.

I couldn't resist. I added her again to all the social networks. She's beautiful and so smart. If I could, I would have changed everything now. We'd be happy. Who knows, maybe even married. God, I sound like a moron but if only L knows how much I spent all these years thinking about her. What's she doing now, is she happy, has she got a new boyfriend... London is too big a city and I could never see her by accident. If she only knew how much I still secretly love her. That I never even stopped. I wrote a hundred and one song that was devoted to her, I dreamt of her in my dreams and that dreams are more painful than stomach pumping.

Lila at the moment:

I was awakened by Ruby, who was banging with plates and setting the table for Sunday lunch. Is it almost noon already?

„How about a little quieter, Ruby?"

„I can't! Felix will be here in half an hour! He called mom and he landed in London!"- As she spoke, she had the biggest smile on her face.

„Felix is coming? Wasn't he supposed to be here later next week? Is he coming alone or what?"

„I guess he is, yeah!" - Dad yells from excitement.

I spent that half an hour nervously waiting on the window. I saw a cab and my older brother's face that I hadn't seen in months. He looked pretty tired. I mean, of course he was. A flight from Australia to England is quite stressful. Behind him was a girl smaller than me, I'd say. She smiles politely and they're headed for the door. Ruby ran out and jumped on Felix.

„Felix! I missed you so much! I love you so so much!"

„I love you too, pumpkin. Anyway, this is Maggie. Maggie, this is Ruby. My sweetest sister."

„I thought I was the sweetest..." - I said through a joke.

„And this is Lila. Come here, big girl." - I could hardly wait for his hug.

After getting acquainted with Maggie and the short story of the trip and how long they were waiting for the plane, it was lunchtime. Dad is shining. Maybe because of Maggie. It was written all over his face that he likes Felix's girlfriend. And my mom was so proud. Why can't be like this every day?

♥

After lunch, we all crawled up to the rooms and decided to take a breather from the lunch.

„We'll go for a walk tonight!" - Dad way yelling from downstairs.

„Yes! We'll show Maggie London. „- with approval said Felix.

When I was alone, my thoughts ran to last night and Harvey. I was biting myself because he didn't tell me any of this all these years. If I had known, we might have been able to maintain our relationship.

Felix interrupted my thoughts.

„You all right? You look like you stayed out until morning last night. Did something happen?" -he asked.

"I saw Harvey. Unexpected. His group performed as an opener for „Cigarettes After Sex" and then pulled me aside and we talked... "

„You talked about what? What did he say to you?"

„What's wrong with you? We were talking about the week we broke up. I don't think that I should be explaining that to you. I thought you came here with good intentions and not to yell at me."

„Sorry, I'm tired from the road. I didn't want to react that way."

„What do you have against Harvey?"

„You've been hurt by him, L. I can't take care of my little sis now?"

„Yes, but you act like he beat me up and left me in some pit. You know what - it's okay. I'm tired because we've been out two nights in a row, and I haven't practiced that since sophomore year. „- I explained in the hope that they would let me rest a little.

„Okay, sorry. If you need someone to talk to, I'm here. You know that."

He went out and left me confused. It's not a common reaction. Maybe he's really tired. I don't know. I need to get some sleep.

Before I could close my eyes, I dug into Harvey's profile until the time we broke up. There wasn't a single picture of any girls. He also deleted our pictures. That's fair. So did I. In fact, most of the pictures he posted were simple. Guitars, quotes of his favorite songs... No photos from the party. It surprises me. And confusing. I don't know if it's wise to trust social media but I'm beginning to think he meant everything he said last night. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to go for one coffee. What can happen?

♥

„And this is Big Ben!" said Ruby - „When I was a little girl, I begged my mom to change my name to Big Ben. You know, I was so silly!"

„Honestly Ruby... I think that name would be very convenient for you." - Maggie said, and we all started laughing.

As Maggie got into all the positions for photos on the Tower Bridge, it was getting dark. Harvey hasn't contacted me yet. Although I think I should write him a message first. He noted; "Whenever you're ready, L." Luckily Ruby interrupted my thinking, pulling my sleeve as a sign that we're finally moving off the bridge.

Mom, of course, wasn't with us. She's too tired to be touring around London. Sometimes I forget that she's a part of this family because she always at work. We sat in a nearby pizzeria and decided to have dinner.

♥

Harvey: „L... you know, I'm attracted to adventure, things I can't handle, things I can't have. Ever since you stopped drinking, and since you've been playing some good girl who's been off alcohol and just studying, I've lost interest. I love you. Sorry, No. I don't know if I loved you or the picture of you. Wild girl who never knew what was waiting for her next."

L: "That's all because I decided to take a break and finish that fucking college? Huh, Harvey? I'm sick of you! Look at you! You stink of alcohol and your eyes look so red like you did a three-day snort of drugs. You disgust me!"

My heart was breaking, but I tried to be as rough as I could. I'd cry, I'd scream... But he didn't deserve a moment of my attention.

„Do you realize how stupid and lame that sounds?"

I shuddered and I woke up in a sweat. I was dreaming about the breakup once again. I'm dreaming of a nightmare and I'm afraid if I forgive him and give him a second chance, I'll have to survive it again. I don't know if I'm strong enough for something like that.