"[Bleep] this, I'm on f—ing stream with my f—ing hands up! I'm not starting my f—ing self! You f—ing stupid [bleep]! This stupid f—ing justice, all f—ing righteous f—ing [BLEEP], Luigi, is doing this [bleep]! You f—ing [bleep]! I swear to f—ing God, I'm gonna...You know what? Everyone type in the chat 'Luigi is a stupid [bleep]'. Just type in the chat 'Luigi is a stupid [bleep]'. [Bleep] him. [Bleep] him."
"Will you please turn that off?" MH asked in exasperation. "I think I get the point now."
"Sorry," Sakurai said innocently, closing the video out of his browser.
The Hand of Creation took a few deep breaths, calming down. "Things like that have plagued me for the past month," he explained in a softer tone. "If people aren't ranting in my office, then they're screaming about it on their video chats, and..."
"I get it," said Sakurai.
"Well, they finally got what they wanted," said MH, "and maybe now I can get some peace and quiet."
He was reading over the contract Sakurai had drawn up regarding the new patch. He'd already read and signed the authorization form. Whenever he read a contract, MH was sure to read it, and then reread it, in case the other party tried to pull something on him. He trusted Sakurai, but he couldn't brush off the fact that something more sinister was in play, something he was unwittingly helping to advance.
"All right," said MH, signing the contract. "Let's get this show on the road."
Sakurai opened up Microsoft Word. "We will first compose an outline, because as I said, we need to address other minor concerns. You said there were calls for new stages, right?"
"Yes. One based on Super Mario Maker, to be exact."
Sakurai typed something to that effect on the outline. "What if I made it so that popular posts were likelier to appear more often on the Miiverse stage?"
"That would give my fighters a morale boost," murmured MH. "Go ahead."
"And—how about the other fighters?"
"Koopa wants to be mightier." MH rolled his eyes. "He wants his Flying Slam to take the opponent's stock first instead of vice versa."
"Mmm-hmm." Sakurai's fingers were flying across his keyboard.
"Dark Pit wants the tournament less sugary. Falco wants a fighting style more diverse from Fox's so he won't be considered a clone anymore. Someone, and I'm not naming names, wants the Mario Bros stage back, along with some more DLCs and some stages related to, uh, other games."
Sakurai abruptly stopped typing and pounded his fist against his desk.
"Was it something I said?"
"We both know it's Luigi," Sakurai said calmly. "By 'more DLCs' I assume you mean Daisy?"
"Well, I..."
"And by 'other games' I assume you mean his games? All his life, he's demanded more from us, which is why we're in this pickle in the first place!"
"Mr. Sakurai, Luigi is just sick and tired of being treated like he can't be a hero in his own right. I hear he's been picked on because of his role in the Mario games."
"He comes to this office every chance he gets, trying to get Daisy in the tournaments. The gall of that plumber, dictating terms to me!"
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FanfictionIn September 2015, the fourth Super Smash Brothers tournament was in full swing. But all was far from quiet on the home front, as one Smashers faced fiery backlash from his down throw and the combos it engendered. According to many of his detracto...
