The six stages of grief

Denial

Nicklaus,

I didn't believe it. I couldn't. There was no way you were dead. Gone. Forever. We had only talked an hour ago. You told me you were on your way to work, in your red uniform shirt. And now the police officer in front of me is telling me you're dead because it wasn't blue.

The man keeps telling me how sorry he is and that there was nothing that could have been done. But there was. You asked me red or blue that morning. I told you red. I told you red. I stared straight ahead from my seat on the couch. I felt warm lines trace down my face, as the officer asked if there was anyone I could or should call.

"Alexander. Alex- Alexander Rush. A-And Tyler Will-williams." Your brother. And best friend. "Tell them to come to our- our apartment."

it seemed like hours before Ty got here. the officer said it was 15 minutes, and that he wouldn't give him a ticket considering the circumstances. tyler pushed through our door, scanning the room, before he rushed towards me, pulling me from my seat. he wrapped his arms around me so tight it hurt to breath. i didn't mind, as i buried my face in his neck, finally letting the sobs escape me. tyler's choked voice echoes in an orchestra.

"it's gonna be okay."

"we'll be alright." i wasn't sure if he was reassuring me or himself, but i didn't care. he pulled away, holding me by my shoulders.

"did they call Alex." i nodded as well as i could,my entire body shaking. He understood me though. He always did.

Alex arrived ten minutes after Tyler. He rushed into he room, not sure what was going on.

"Ray," He had asked me, noticing my tears, and the lack of his brother, "where's Nick?" I shook my head, unable to say the words. The officer had left when Tyler arrived, apologizing repeatedly as he did.

I watched his knees buckle. I heard the scream. The cry. The anguish that I know we were all feeling. And I dropped too. Me and Alex held each other, Nick. And at some point, Tyler joined us. I don't remember getting up. I don't remember taking a shower. I don't remember destroying everything in the bathroom and slicing open my hand. But I remember the emotions I felt when I did it. And it was the worst I've ever felt.

Ray