Conquering Fear

Session 1: The Beginning...

Welcome, fellow souls. Like you, I have been on a long journey of searching for freedom. Recently, I went on a mission trip to Mexico where I shared my story a couple times. It was then that I realized just how many people struggle with similar things to what I’ve been through.

So this week, I’m going to take you through my story, piece by piece. But before I do, I’d like to tell a sort of fairytale I’ve written to set the stage. So grab your popcorn, and silence your phones...
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Chapter 1: The Day All Was Lost.

The Castle of Laotrem, was a beautiful building. Its many rooms were grand, beyond the beauty of this world, and all who saw it were in awe of it.

The castle became a shining jewel of the four kingdoms. The woman who lived there was the one who created the four kingdoms, and placed the kings on their thrones. Her name has long since been lost, but it is said that her father is the One who rules all.

Many would come from afar to see what they could gain from her, and she gave each a gift. This gift varied from person to person, but each gift had value beyond their knowledge. 

But one day, a woman came to the castle. Her job was to add to its beauty and fountains of its knowledge. But what she did, was something very different indeed. 

She saw the vulnerability in the young woman living there, saw that she had not yet learned to protect what she had. She saw opportunity.

The entrusted women began to steal, taking precious items from the castle, items which had not yet been recognized for their value.

One by one she cleared the rooms, until there was little left. But the beauty of the building haunted her, and she realized that it would not take long for the young woman to replace what had been stolen. So she took it a step further. 

She began to bully the young woman, taking a sledge-hammer to the walls of the rooms. One by one they crumbled, and the young woman was driven deeper and deeper into the castle. 

The young woman stood in shock as her castle crumbled all around. Rubble was all that remained of the rooms in her beautiful home. Then she saw the entrusted women coming closer and closer, hammer raised to strike. 

Two of the caretakers of the castle saw the danger, and attacked, driving the entrusted woman away. But the damage remained, a castle that no one could rebuild.

She wandered the empty halls, pain growing and growing as she saw pile after pile of rubble. The memory of the beauty that once resided here, faded into darkness. 

As the dust gathered, she turned to the only room that remained. It was the center of her castle, the room from which she had created everything. It was all she had left, the only thing that had not been taken.

She saw shadows gathering around the ruins of the castle, and ran into the room, closing the door and bolting it shut. Something slammed into the door and she screamed, scrambling. 

She hurried to the desk and pushed it against the door, blocking out her pursuers. She sat in front of the desk, on the floor, and hugged her knees against her chest, head lowered.

Whispers drifted through the door. "Fear! Fear! Fear!" She shook as the sound echoed in the room, hugging her knees tighter. She remained that way until the rays of sunlight filtered through the dusty skylight above. The whispers disappeared, chased away by the light of day.

She stood, searching the room. There was no escape, this was the only safe place. But the room was empty, aside from a notebook, pen, the desk against the door, and a small closet.

She approached it carefully. All was silent. She grasped the knob and turned it slowly. As the door cracked open she caught a glimpse of a hammer- the room flooded with screams and evil laughter!

She screamed and slammed the door shut, locking it as quickly as she could and stumbling back, trying to get away. Something started pounding on the door behind her, and she scrambled away from it until her back hit the wall and she fell.

She hugged her knees against her chest, eyes darting around, trying to ensure that the room was secure. She was locked in a room she had once loved, with Fear pounding on the door, trying to break it down, and a monster locked in the closet, taunting her.

There was no escape, there was no escape…

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This story, is a fragment of my life. You see, I was once a happy, carefree little girl. But when I was nine, everything changed. I began having panic attacks every night, I began getting bullied, and I stopped smiling.

The fact is, I was being abused by my school teacher. She was a hard woman, and her whole purpose in life, it seemed, was to scare her students.

She would use her height to intimidate us, stare us down, and make us feel trapped. She would drag us across the room by our arms, and I remember the bruises her grip left. 

The fear didn’t go away when I went home at the end of the day, and I would pace late into the night, terrified that I would have to go to school in the morning. Often the clock would reach 3A.M before I was unable to stay awake any longer.

I begged God to make me sick so that I wouldn’t have to go to school. Eventually, I did get sick, but it wasn’t because of a virus. I got sick because of pure fear.

My parents began having meetings with the school board, trying to sort this out. They went from saying I was mentally ill and didn’t know what was going on in the room, to saying that the teacher was mentally unstable! Whatever their story, the school board took the teacher’s side, and they would not help me.

My parents decided to pull me out of school, to homeschool me instead. And the school board told them not to talk to other parents about what had gone on, or they would sue.

I had been threatened into silence. I was free, or so it seemed. But the nightmare did not end when I left that classroom. Nor would it end, for the next three years…

But the rest of my story, will have to wait for tomorrow. Today, however, I want you to reflect on your own life.

What are your fears? I encourage you to share them, in the comments, here.
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That’s all for today, I’ll see you bright and early for devotions tomorrow!