Standing at the end of the ledge a gust of wind blew up against me as if to push me back. To stop me for what I was about to do. As if there was a secret force tried to save me from my own destruction.
Thoughout my life I've been beaten, cursed, and cheated. I've been used and stabbed God knows how many times. It was a strange to think I made it as long as I did.
So, why was I on that ledge? What pushed me to stand there with my arms spread out beside me gazing upon the dark abyss that laid before me. The answer was rather simple, life is but a illusion.
How is that? Or did I go completely mad? No, I became enlightened. Enlightened by the fact no one will ever be truely remembered for what they did. Why some may ask? Because sooner or later the whole world will be a waste land. A waste land where nothing and no one will survive.
All my life I fought to make a name for myself. I fought to be the nicest person known to man. To never allow anyone to see my true feelings. I allowed myself to become someone that I'm not.
There is only a few who has seen the real me. Most have left me behind... Others have forgotten about me. Forgotten what I did for them. How many nights I sat there with them helping them through their problems when all I wanted to do was tell them to grow the fuck up.
I would never do that though. No, because I care for others more than I care about myself. Ask anyone who knew me. Ask them how many times I reminded they were perfect, and trust me they are. How many times I told them that they are my everthing. Yet, to some it was never enough. When I help the ignore me. When I'm there they don't see me. I'm invisable. I am a illusion.
I put on the illusion that I love myself. That I will be amazing. That I would do great things.
But, on the inside I'm ugly. A worthless monster that deserves nothing. No love, no hope, no care...... I condemned to my own personal cell which is my mind and heart.....
I've truely loved two people in my life. They know who they are...... I've always wondered if they truely loved me.
Too late to find out now. Too late to turn back.
I could hear the voices calling my name. Telling me to plunge into the darkness. Beckoning me to let go.... be free.
And so I did. The wind whisled in my ears. Darkness surronded me like a blanket. Before impact I allowed two peoples names to escape my lips followed by "I'm sorry."
I left the illusion. I left the world behind. With only one regret. That I didn't care enough......
