Low Life (Ryan Sitkowski)

6

In Shayleigh's dream

-

"Justin, I love you but I've been cheating on you" I told my husband.

"I know. You've been distant for months, but, I was trying to convince myself that you weren't cheating. I was wrong, apparently" Jus said, his green eyes welling up with tears.

"I didn't mean for it to happen" I told him.

"You don't just accidentally get into a relationship with another man while you're married. You don't just trip and fall on a guys dick" he replied.

"Jus-" I said before he cut me off.

"No. I fell in love you and married you because I thought you wouldn't hurt me." He spat.

"Justin, I really didn't mean for any of this. I love you-" I said before he cut me off again.

"If you loved me, you wouldn't have hurt me like this. If you wanted out of this marriage so bad, then you should have told me from the get-go rather than cheating on me" he told me.

I jolted awake from from my nightmare. I mean, it wasn't too far off from what I'm dealing with right now but this whole situation is unnerving.

I was in a cold sweat and breathing heavily. I removed Ryan's arm from my waist and got up. I grabbed my phone and walked to my bathroom to splash my face with water. I sat down on the toilet and began to break down into tears. I can't do this. I have to tell Justin.

I picked up my phone off the bathroom counter, I went to Facebook messenger and saw that he was active. I went to my contacts and tapped on his name and called him. It was 4:45am, so he should definitely be awake by now.

It rang a couple times before he answered.

"Good morning gorgeous" he greeted. I sniffled before I spoke.

"I have something to tell you..." I told him, my voice cracking. He sighed.

"What's up?" He asked. I tried to speak but the words wouldn't come out, I don't have the heart to tell him that I'm being unfaithful.

"I miss you" I answered.

"I miss you too. I gotta go, I'm getting ready to do stupid shit. I love you" he told me.

"I love you too. Bye." I replied plainly before hanging up.

I couldn't bring myself to say it. I almost broke myself out of some of the guilt I feel that's eating me alive. I'm too much of a wuss to tell the truth. Not only am I a liar, I'm a coward. My parents would be so proud. I wish I still lived near my family, my sister would know what to do in this situation.

I continued to cry until I heard a knock on the bathroom door.

"Come in" I said, my voice cracking. Ryan opened the door slowly and crept in.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"No. Honestly." I told him simply. I need to tell someone some truth before I'm completely consumed by the lies that I'm living.

"What's wrong?" He asked, kneeling down next to me, placing his hand on my back and rubbing circles into my back.

"I'm living a lie" I told him.

"What do you mean?" He asked. I sighed before speaking up.

"I haven't been truthful with you" I replied.

"Elaborate" he told me.

"I'm married" I said, bluntly as I wiped my eyes.

"You're what?!" He shouted.

"I didn't know how to tell you. Everything just happened so fast and I didn't know what to do. I'm stuck in the middle of a lie. I'm lying to you and I'm lying to my husband" I cried.

"You could have told me to begin with and I would have left you alone" he told me.

"I was just so starstruck and couldn't turn you down." I told him.

"You still could have told me. I would have been fine with being just friends. You need to tell your husband or I will" he told me.

"I'll tell him when he gets home from the field" I promised.

"Good. I'm holding you to it" he replied.

"Where do we stand right now?" I asked.

"Obviously, there's work that needs to be done but I more than likely ruined your marriage, so for the time being, we'll still be a thing" he told me.

"Let's go back to bed" I suggested. We both got up. He pecked me on the lips and we headed back to bed.

It felt like a big weight was lifted off my shoulders for telling Ryan. I still have a huge weight on my shoulders because I need to tell Jus but I have no idea how I'm going to go about it. I'm so far from home, I'm jobless, I gave up everything when I moved down here, I'm scared to tell Justin and lose what little I have left.