Our Hazel (Book 1) Completed.

My future in my view

Every student planner is filled with when homework is due, or when the next game will be, while mine is filled with my future all crumbled up. My life no longer feel right, I feel like I don't belong. I want to be anywhere but here, in this situation. But here I'm. I'm stuck in this world. This situation that I would have to face soon.

"Annah-jane" A voice called me pushing me out of my day dream. I snap my eye up, only to realize I was crying. Not only crying but sobbing. All the head of student turn back staring at me. Those glares.

"Is everything okay?" She ask showing concern, of course if I was okay I was not gonna cry. Common sense right?. I try all my best to answer, but if I did I would cry even more thinking the teacher care for asking me if I was alright.

"Please step out of the classroom" She say, I'm actually at my last period for the day today. Art. My favorite subject, now I couldn't tell because I barely could feel.

I pick my bag from the ground while wiping my eyes with the hem of my gray jacket. I slowly rose up from my seat and head from the door ignoring the glares.

The hallway feel so quiet and cold. Oh how I wanted to disappear. I couldn't no matter how hard I wish.

I expect her to come outside and talk to me, but there was no one. And my heart sink into my chest. Did she know?. If she do will she tell my parents?. I start to eat my nail nervously. Suddenly the door flew open and she got out with a smile, blooming from her face, her light skin match her figure perfectly, not to mention her long curls is flowing down her back. I wish........

"This not like you to sleep or cry during my whole lesson Annah-jane" she say quietly, yet so sympatheticly. I then feel like I could tell her everything, then she would help me. But people judge and they would definitely judge me.

"I'm sorry" my voice say softly lightly crack, I then feel a fresh of new tears flowing down my eye, I look up trying not to recontinue sobbing. I'm so sorry I'm messed up, I'm so sorry I'm crying, I'm so sorry that I'm making you talk to me, giving me sympathy.

I'm just sorry.

I couldn't talk. I just leave to go to the bathroom. She's calling me, if I talk, I will become a whole lot of mess. Inside the bathroom stall I blow my nose several time. Wipe my tears, my cheeks are screaming in pain.

Ever cry enough that your eye hurt?. That's me right now. I wash my face, I was afraid to stare at the mirror. Just then the bell rang I leave.

Walking through the crowds of student I make my way to the field where me and Kaylyn hang out everyday after school. Somehow I didn't feel like staying today. Yersterday I did force myself to stay, trying to act like I'm okay when I really wasn't. Today I just didn't have the courage.

I make a different way to the bus stop. I usually got home at 6 o'clock, coming at the same time my Dad and stepmom would make it there.

As soon as I get home I went straight to bed closing the door behind me. I sink my face in the pillow and scream, follow with all that cry I was holding in. I feel so empty. So don't want to be here. Why am I still here?.

Was there a purpose still?.

I let out a scream in my pillow and sob till to the point I taught I was gonna lose my brain. But I was still there at my bed.

What seem like forever, was actually after 10 minute, the house got quiet. I go take a warm bath that turn into a magical of crying. It's all your fault.....My mind screams.
I dress into my long nightgown and went straight to bed, food no longer excite me, not even TV.

About electronic, I'm barely interested in that anymore. I just feel so outdated. So expired. So filthy. Maybe I was. No....it was those taught that's killing me.

My stomach growl from the lack of eating. I haven't eat properly for about eight month now. And no one didn't really notice. Was I glad?, A little bit, but I know it was not healthy, but I just couldn't do it.

Sometime it suck beign the only child at this house, and that is why this has started in this whole place. Having strict parents and set of rules. It make curious and sneaky conscious.

Maybe if I drown myself, it would be over, pills sound goods, or stab. Those thought exist but it didn't match me. It didn't seem like me.
I grab my phone from my bag. 25 missed call from Kaylyn. I instantly called her number, when she pick up I say "Hey Kay I'm alright, I'll call you in a bit" then I end the call, I didn't want to explain. And I didn't feel like talking. I answer a text from my Mother, about her starving to send her, even one dollar would help. I tear up again as I type her.

"Sure mommy😂😁"

How do I tell my Mother that news. I'm all her hope out of misery. And little did she know I'm messed up.

I put my phone in charge and lay back down. Fresh new tears burn my cheeks. The room feel cold and lonely. And I feel the need to punish myself, because I deserve it, I did knew better, but I did all because I did feel lonely and desperate for other kids my age companion. I'm bad.

I'm the top of my classes, everyone knew me for my shyness and smile. I'm known for top of leadership.

When they find out about me, they won't like it so much. They won't like me anymore.

Why did it matter?. Right now I deserve all the suffering that's happening to me, because I did knew better.