Jess. The girls name was Jess . Nothing more, nothing less . But no one seemed to get that , no one seemed to know her name . She had heard various terms being used to single her out before 'stupid bitch' was one of the more commonly used ones along with 'thelonerthatiwishwoulddie'. There wasn't much she could do about the name calling , not when you had no friends and the only people who once were , were now the most popular kids in school . The ones responsible .
Jess didnt care much anymore , at least that's what she told herself . Truthfully, she cared more than anyone else out there . Her wrists were enough to prove it . Every night, when she got home from 7 hours of constant bullying and another three hours slogging through work at the local cafe , she would sit ; head between her hands ; tears pouring down her face . She hated feeling that way more than she hated the bullying , she hated the feeling of hopelessness so much that she would get out her special box she kept hidden under her bed and she would produce her knife she got whilst on a family Holiday to Greece .
She loved the relief she felt as she dragged it across her skin , slowly absorbing every last morcel of pain she could muster from the feeling of the blade against skin , Softly slicing it away into smithereens. In a way, she knew it was wrong , that she shouldn't feel like the only way she could survive was to do that to herself but she felt she had no other option . "Just one more year and you can get out of this hellhole" she kept chanting to herself . One more year and she'd be free from her past forever.
It's not that she particularly hated the town - it never really gave too much to make anyone have an opinion of it . It was more the memories and people that she wanted , no needed , to escape . After what happened to her , she'd pleaded with her parents to get them to move . But , they never would . They would also never look her in the eye again . Jess supposed that it wasn't the end of the world if she could just hold out until the end of next summer . The memories were everywhere of course but she had her way of dealing with them .
At first, she hadn't realised that cutting was her escape . She used to try anything from excessively exercising to binge watching tv shows all day and all night , to try and get herself to think of anything but that .
Nothing worked , no therapy group the police forced her to go to , no group chat for people like her on Instagram . Nothing . Until one day , In the middle of the night , she started scratching her arm violently , trying to get her to feel anything but the grip of his hands roughly grasping her hands back , anything but the harsh cold reality of what had happened to her . The next morning, she woke up and saw her arm was covered in dried blood . She realised quickly what she had done and felt immediately ashamed . She never though she'd be one of those girls . Not in a million years had she expected that she'd result to self harm . No , Jess was popular and well liked . People didn't really care much for her but she had fun in her group and that was all that mattered . Her parents thought she was God's gift and worshipped her feet , whilst the teachers hated her for always correcting them on all their wrong answers . "Our little nerd" was the nickname she'd been given by her friends before that night . It had been meant in a kind manner but Jess always knew there was a deadly undertone to it . The kind of pressure she dealt with to always stay in the 'it' crowd was immense . Now, she thought it was a trivial waste of time . Who would waste such precious time pretending to love a certain brand of clothes just because 'Kim Kardashian wore it ' or because 'it's just so in right now' . Who would do that? Who would waste a second of the happiness worrying about wether a certain group of people liked them enough not to talk trash about them behind their back ? Who?
When her friends had dropped her like a hot potato after that night , Jess realised just how pretentious her life had actually been . And just how innocent she had been . After that night , her whole life had changed .
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Heya guys , it's Becca :)
I can't promise that this book is gonna be good or even that I'll update it regularly but I recently downloaded the wattpad app so hopefully I'll now be able to access my stuff more easierly and post more . Anyways this will discuss issues of rape and self harm so please don't read this if you feel uncomfortable for any reason . But if you have any questions or you just need someone to talk to , feel free to dm me . Anyways everyone it's past midnight for me so I should probably go to sleep 💤 hope y'all have a good day and byeeeee :) 💤💤💤💗💗💗😫
