100 Things You Should NEVER Do In Skyrim:

(31-40)

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Is the Australian spelling author or authour? I can't trust auto-correct anymore...

You know what would make these chapters better? Less meaningless autho... less meaningless these.

Oh well.

31: Hire the same follower twice.

"So you'll follow me around and carry all my- YOU!!" The Dragonborn shouted as a familiar figure fled again, only to be tackled by a guard. The Thieves guild saw all this, they were not impressed, that was their best thief!

32: Unimpressed the Thieves Guild.

"Join us!" A broad man, messenger for the thieves, commanded the Dovahkiin.

"Or what? You'll pickpocket me to death?"

He didn't know how it happened, but the Dovahkiin woke up later in the Riften courtyard, everything was still on him, but his pockets were... Missing...

"Woah, close one."

33: Be bombarded by sweet rolls.

The bandit was flinging sweet roll after sweet roll, each hitting the Dovahkiin's shield before sliding to the ground.

"Aw, man, are you ever going to run out of sweet rolls?!"

The Breton bandit with a thick foreign accent said harshly:

"No, for I work at ze sweet roll bakery!"

34: Read a Skyrim story.

There was a cat on a horse.

The cat got off the horse.

The cat turned into a dog.

The dog scared the horse.

A fish scared the dog.

The Dragonborn closed the children's book and put it back in his backpack, he rode in silence as he contemplated that the strangest thing about that story was; he understood it...

35: Use the Fus.

The Dragonborn woke up in a cave, dangling from the roof, somehow a frost troll in all its intelligence had tied up the Dovahkiin, attached him to the ceiling and took away his sword. It lay a meter away from him on the ground. Suddenly he heard a voice and a man appeared in front of him. It was Esbern.

"Use the Fus Dovahkiin..."

The Dragonborn frowned as he thought.

"Don't you mean the Thuum?"

Esbern shrugged.

In fierce concentration the Dragonborn took in a deep breath.

"Fus Ro Dah!!" Aimed at the sword the force flung it from the ground, against a wall and into the Dragonborn's hand.

"Huzzah!!" He yelled in triumph.

The troll was not impressed.

36: Get tutoring.

The magic instructor was doing what he did best, instructing.

"Now shoot a fireball at that target."

The Dragonborn did as he was told.

"Good, now frost spell there... good, now flames!"

The Dragonborn shot out another bolt of frost. The instructor was disappointed.

"What happened?"

"Toggle-stick jammed." The Dovahkiin replied simply. The instructor gave him an inquisitive look, which urged the Dragonborn to continue. "How else can I select spells from my in-game menu?"

The tutor backed away.

37: Invent Co-Op play.

The Dragonborn entered the tavern. So did another, female Dragonborn. Delphine was puzzled as she regarded similar outfits and weapons on each hero.

"How did this happen?" She asked incredulously, the male Dragonborn answered that.

"You think there's only one Dragonborn in a family?" He turned to his companion. "Way to go sis!" They fistbumped. "Co-Op play for the win!"

Delphine woke up. Co-Op play, for the win, none of it made sense.

"My dreams just get weirder and weirder." She muttered as she wandered off to the morning's training.

38: Try to leave Skyrim.

The Dragonborn followed the limping guard to the border of Skyrim, following a bandit.

"How are we going to capture him before he leaves Skyrim?" The Dovahkiin questioned.

"Not a problem." Replied the guard.

Suddenly they spotted him a while away, frequently walking in to an invisible barrier.

"Heh heh heh." The guard chuckled. "Gets 'em every time."

39: Name a dragon 'Nightfury'.

The dragon whipped past the castle, it's short breath of fire hitting an unmanned tower, blowing it to pieces.

"Nightfury!!" The Dovahkiin yelled while running along the castle's wall towards the burning remnants of the tower. Suddenly the beast flew past again.

"Joor Zah Frul!!" The Dragonrend shout sent the dragon hurling to the ground some hundred meters away into some trees. It landed with a thud.

A limping guard still wary of attack moved next to the Dragonborn.

"What are you doing out here?!" He questioned.

"I hit a Nightfury." The guard glared.

"Please stop calling it that."

"Really, if we just get a few- Oh, yeah, sorry."

40: Write an autobiography.

The Dragonborn looked at the quill and parchment before him. He was totally going to do this.

Later, when the Innkeeper came to check on him, it looked like a dragon had wrecked the place.

"What-" Was all he could manage.

The Dragonborn stood in the middle of the room.

"This paper doesn't work." He said simply.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: It's "author".

And here I was thinking I was onto something. Have a nice day/night whoever's reading this! I'm off to bed.