Just a memory

Chapter 4

Listen to "empty space" by James Arthur while reading this chapter.

Hardin

The words get caught in my throat. My heart beating slower with each passing second.

"Tess."

I swallow. My voice cracking. Pain fills her eyes.

"What are you doing here, Hardin?"

I don't answer. Instead, I shoot forward. Standing only a few feet away from her.

"Where have you been? I've tried finding you. I've tried calling you. Day and night. I wanted to explain."

She cuts me off.

"Hardin, don't."

I step even closer.

"Don't what, Tessa? I've been silent for too long. I've been in hell. Reliving my worst nightmare over and over again. I know that I fucked up big time, and that there aren't any words to make this right, but let me try. I wanna do you right."

"Fucked up? Hardin, you destroyed me. You played me. Every touch, every moment, every word."

She stops for a moment to blink away the tears that are building up in her eyes.

"Everything was a lie. I loved you blindly. Trusted you with everything I had. While you were making fun of everything we had. Or everything I thought we had."

I ignore Zed, who is trying to urge her to leave, and I ignore the tears forming in my eyes.

"You know it's not like that, Tessa. The past 81 days have been hell for me. I didn't live. I only existed. A painful, miserable existence. I know you think I never loved you, but that's not true. I love you more than I can bare. Do you think I wanna be like this? Do you think I want every part of me, shouting for every part of you, without a fucking answer in sight? It's wrecking me."

Tears are now full on streaming down her face. I move closer, so that we're only standing inches away from each other. I reach out to wipe away her tears. Tears that once again I caused. I only brush the skin of her cheek, before she pulls away. Her eyes closing in pain. I lower my hand, not acknowledging my own tears that are trying to choke me.

"I can't do this. Not now... Not ever."

I feel my heart clenching and my lungs tightening. Barely able to talk.

"Don't say that, Tessa. Don't say that, please, just don't."

I shake my head as the fucking tears keep falling. Repeating the words over and over again.

"I think I should go."

I immediately look up.

"What? No!"

But she ignores me, looking to Zed. I'm gonna kill him.

"Will you take me back now, Zed?"

She forces a small smile and he nods without hesitation. Not going to fucking happen.
They turn around to walk away, but I grab Tessa's elbow, only enough to make her stop in her tracks.

"I'm not gonna let you walk away from me. Not again. Not today. Not ever. We can talk this out. I know we can, Tess. I love"

She interrupts me, holding her hands up, her eyes closed.

"If there is one single part of you that cares about me just a fraction of how much you claim you do, then you'll let me go. I can't do this, Hardin. Do you think it was easy for me? Waking up every morning, knowing I would be caught in the same circle of eternal agony again? I've fought so hard to get to the place where I am right now. Please, Hardin. Just let me go."

I don't know if it is the genuine pain and agony I can see in her eyes, or the way her body is trembling, but I let go of her elbow, stepping a step back. She takes a deep breath, before turning around and walking out.

And here I am. Pathetically standing here, watching my heart walk further away from me with every step she takes.

Here I am, seeing the love of my life leaving with a man that isn't me, while I let my sobs drown out the noise of my already broken heart, breaking all over again.