Didn't Mean It

Didn't Mean It - Chapter 1

“Please, I’m sorry. I was just talking to him.” I begged my boyfriend, Jared, after he caught me asking a boy in my chemistry class what the homework was.

“Just talking? You were just talking. Next thing I know you’re going to be just cheating on me.” He hissed and then slapped me across the face and I winced in pain. “I told you not to fucking talk to other boys, you little slut.” He said and pushed me against the wall. “I wouldn’t want you doing something stupid.” He hissed.

“What’s going on here?” Jared’s best friend, Billy, said walking over to where we were. I wiped the tears from my eyes and put on a smile like nothing was wrong.

“Nothing. We were just talking, come on Ashley.” Jared said pulling me away from his friend and back into our high school’s crowded hallways at dismissal. We walked outside to Jared’s car and he drove me back to my house.

“I’m sorry.” He said as I brushed another tear from my eye.

“I know. It was my fault. It’s fine.” I said looking over at him.

“I love you.” He said as we drove down my street to my house.

“I love you too.” I said and he pulled in my driveway. I kissed him goodbye and then walked into my house.

I saw my mother in the kitchen cooking dinner and I headed to my room.

“Ashley!” My mother called behind me.

“Yeah?” I said turning around to see her standing at the foot of the stairs.

“Your brother called. He’s coming home in a week. He says he’s bringing the boys with him.” My mom said with a smile.

“Ok cool. I’ll be doing homework, tell me when dinner’s ready.” I said and heading back up to my room and shutting the door behind me. Now let me explain what my mother meant back there about ‘the boys’ and ‘your brother’. I’m Ashley Devine, some of you may know my brother, Josh, as the drummer for One Direction. Basically, he’s coming home from whatever, and bringing the boys in One Direction with him. I don’t exactly know how my abusive boyfriend will act towards knowing this, but most likely he will be here so I don’t have to feel why he should have been later.

I opened my chemistry book and flipped to page 398 to begin reading and answering questions. It was easy for my mind to drift while I was writing down the answers of the things we already learned in class. I felt my phone go off next to me on my bed and looked down to see a text from Jared. I sighed knowing he wanted to see me to talk.

‘Meet me in the park in 10.’ I read the text message twice in my head before getting up and heading down stairs still in my school uniform.

“Where are you going?” My mom called to me.

“To the park.” I said before shutting the door behind me and walking down the side walk to the neighborhood park he was talking about. It was like this a lot. He’d hit me, then say he loved me, then I’d forgive him, then he’d give me something, then it’d be okay for a couple of days and then it’d repeat.I know I’m stuck in the cycle of abuse with him, but I love him too much to let him go. 

I walked into the entrance of the park and sat on one of the swings waiting for Jared to arrive. That was normally where we would meet. I swung back and forth only slightly as I watched little kids run up and down the jungle gym and nervously anticipate Jared tonight. I never knew what to expect from him. I never knew if today would be bad or good. I mean I would expect today to be good after earlier.

I checked the date on my phone making a mental note that summer started in only 2 weeks. I knew that I may be getting a lot more serious with Jared then and I almost began to fear what could happen. I didn’t know how it would be when we were together all summer. I sighed as I looked up and saw him walking up the path.

“Hey baby.” He said with a sly smile as he sat down next to me on another swing. “I got you something.” He said pulling a box out of his pocket. He handed it to me and I opened it to reveal a heart necklace shaped made of black and white diamonds.

“It’s beautiful.” I said in awe.

“I just wanted you to know how sorry I am for earlier. I love you, it will never happen again.” He said and I kissed him. I put the necklace around my neck and it laid right in the middle of my chest.

“I love you too.” I said with a huge smile. He always said he would never do it again, but he always still did it again. I was used to it by that time. We had been together for almost 6 months and things were getting very serious and very physical in all the wrong ways. I never wanted to think it could happen again, he always told me it wouldn’t happen again and maybe I was just stupid to believe him, but that night I knew he wouldn’t do it again, especially after this gift. He wouldn’t spend the money on me to lie to me.