Lore
BAM
Let's start from the beginning. There once was a cunt, with a rather worthless hat, named Zephania Mann. He had two dim witted retarded sons with his "wife" whom he didn't give a shit that she died during child birth. But there was another child, Gray Mann who could talk straight out of the womb but who was so damn ugly was tossed aside where eagles were to take him under their wing. They we're all born seconds after the other, I assume, and we're triplets. After Gray Mann was gone that let the imbeciles. Red Mann and Blue Mann. As they got older they weren't on very good terms. Constantly fighting in order to one up the other.
When they we're menn they convinced their father to buy acres and acres of useless gravel. He did so and regretted it. Later he grew sickly and in his will he left his sons the worthless land he was tricked to buy. He told them to split it, knowing they would fight each other to their death to get all the land. He left his own Company (Mann Co) to his coworker Barnabus Hale. And to Elizabeth, a friend, he left her miracle gravel. Which his son, Gray Mann, tried to black mail with him. He trusted her to keep is secret, keep it safe.
And so in sued a battle over the two brothers determined to get the land for them selves. They hired a team of Mercinaries which included a Heavy Weapons Guy, a Medic, a Scout, a Spy, a Demolish-ions Man, a Sniper, a Pyromaniac, a Soldier, and finally an Engineer. Fun fact the Pyro, short for pyromaniac dumbass, was Abraham Lincoln himself. The supplier for their weapons was Mann Co, now owned by Barnabus Hale. He actually sold weapons to both sides in order to get more money but I assume Elizabeth made sure no one found out.
As they grew older and began to die a new mineral was discovered in Australia. It gave people insane intelligence and strength. And made people pretty damn Australian. So Australia become the most advanced, militarized, strongest, most powerful nation in the world. And what was the mineral called you ask? Fucking Australiam and they carved a man fighting a kangaroo into the rock. (This is very thorough and serious lore we're dealing with). Or it could have already existed I'm not really sure this isn't some big ol factual shit. Continuing on, they used Australiam to extend their own lives for years.
Cycling through mercenaries till we land upon Team Fortress (not the classic one). They are the stars of this whole stage. Heavy, Mikhail (or commonly used Misha) a Russian dude who fought off a shit load of other Russians to save his family. Medic, former Dr Ludwig getting his license revoked after he stole someone's spinal system and rib cage, a crazed maniac who can bring people back from the dead which only cost over billions of dollars or just some blood soaked undergarments. Scout, Jeremy who's just a 26? year old pedo from Boston who's dad constantly disappears and is an Arrogant cunt. Spy, a quite mysterious nigga who's job is to deceive, disappear, and not pay child support. Demo, Tavish Detroot is every Scottish stereotype but he's black, he likes blowing up things, and his eye comes back to try to kill him and his coworkers. Sniper, {likely Rick} Mundy is just a non insane assassin who enjoys throwing his piss and pretending he's Australian even though he actually comes from the made up under water country called New Zealand. Pyro, the most unknown character enjoys candy, unicorns, everything sweet, and burning down the Amazon forest. Soldier, Jane Doe (I think I've heard that before) is a maniac who got declined to be an actual soldier so instead he killed a bunch of Nazis way after world war 2 was over, he also is drinking lead filled water constantly. Finally Engieneer, Dell Conagher who's an extremely intelligent man who's grandfather built life extender machines which in turn Dell did too. He's known for building automatic machine guns that lock onto humans and murder them. Teleporters which can let you travel fucking anywhere. And finally an enslaved health pack.
Saxton Hale, grand son of Barnabus Hale and inherited Mann co. He punches yetis and wrestles cougars like it's child's play. His former lover Mags(?) or some shit now works for his worst enemy Darlin, who invented Zoos and in Hales opinion animals should be free to punch to death. One fateful day Gray Mann went to take over Mann Co with an army of robots. He asked to do the Mann Co challenge, if any one beats Saxton Hale in hand to hand combat they get the company. Hale obviously said yes because Gray Mann is indeed a very frail Mann. But he wanted Hale to fight his 6 year old daughter. Hale tried but refused to kill/fight a child therefore being forced to resign. Poor man.
That's all for now there's a lot more coming
