Warriors Of Life

Insanity

Author: SexyPJiminie

Book title: Insanity 

Cover & Title:

I like the cover, it fits well with the book's plot. I would suggest changing the font though as it's a little hard to read and your name in the corner is too small to read. The stickers at the bottom are kind of awkward. (I noticed that you changed your cover. I see how it fits with the book's theme/plot, but I thought it could have been executed slightly better. My thoughts on the stickers still apply, it doesn't look nice all jumbled up in the corner.

The title is alright, I see why you chose it. I do think there are other titles that would fit the book better.

Description:

The description isn't even a description to me. It's just a sentence. I'm not going to get much information about the book from one sentence except that it sounds like the book's going to be cliche. The sentence doesn't catch my interest; there are some one sentenced descriptions that manage to do that though I would still like them to be longer. Tell your readers more about what the book's about while being suspenseful so you can hook your readers in. Try writing different versions of a description for your book and chose one that fit these factors the best.

Plot:

The beginning is the most common and cliche highschool scene ever. It made me smile though. I mean, I don't know what's going down in Korea, but realistically, that's pretty unrealistic. I don't understand why this is such a common scene in so many fanfics.

Like, they can mutter to themselves about how handsome they are, but everyone screaming their heads off for them? At their concerts, yeah. I'm pretty sure none of them had the pleasure of girls screeching for them when they went to school like it was stated. Nobody in their right mind would act like that over a guy with an average status unless I'm missing something.

Along with some cliches, the plot is pretty interesting though. The whole thing you got going on with the MC is pretty interesting and I really liked that twist you added. It's like a story within a story, I found it cool and intruding.

The 'fat middle-aged lady' was unnecessarily rude to the point it was unrealistic. She can be slightly harsh to her but cussing at her and slapping her? Sounds like abuse to me, physically and mentally. She works at an orphanage along with younger kids, so why would she behave that way? Unless she has a reason for her nasty behavior, tell us about. How you presented her seemed . . . random, her actions where, to say. Then again, reading further on, perhaps she was just born a bitch. 

Characters are pretty good but could be fleshed out a little more. I think you could display their emotions more also.

Diction/Writing Style:

Your writing style was nice. I could picture the images the MC was seeing and smelling, though I wished the scenes of her reality was described and detailed like the ones of her imagination. Stay consistent with that good writing throughout.

Grammar:

You have a nice vocab rang and wordplay, which I really enjoyed.

Make sure to put spaces between sentences and don't use single quotation marks for dialogue. 

Ex.

Where are we going?

He looked at me when we reached a beautifully, embroidered door. 'I... I'm not going with you...'he told me with his face down. 'I need you to be safe...'He softly put his hand on my face.

When will we meet again?

'Soon,' he smiled at me. 'I promise.'

Don't use laugh, smile, coughed, etc as dialogue tags as it isn't correct.

All dialogue needs to have quotation marks to start and end the speech. You can either write it in italics or normally (which I would suggest as everything else is written normally). I didn't even know it was dialogue, but a thought until the angle started speaking because you did that sort of correctly. And make sure to have dialogue tags so your readers know who's talking.

Should be-

"Where are we going?" I asked.

He looked at me when we reached a beautifully embroidered door. "I... I'm not going with you," he told me with his head directed downward. "I need you to be safe." He softly put his hand on my face.

"When will we meet again?"

"Soon." He smiled at me. "I promise."

I would suggest looking into how to write dialogue correctly.

I wouldn't suggest using all caps as it looks unprofessional.

There were some simple mistakes that can be easily fixed.

Overall view:

I enjoyed reading the story, though it had some cliches you added your own twists to make it your own which made it enjoyable to read.

_____

~TheEverythingAwards