SOUNDCRUSH EXPLICIT

Tantric Chapter 22: Hippie Chics Break Wide Open

Ashlynn

"What are you going to do to me?" I smile up at Leed, who is using the end of my long braid to tickle my nose, trying to coax me from near-sleep.

"I'm going to take care of you, baby."

I reach up and touch Leed's gorgeous face. He leans into my hand, rubbing his stubble against my palm. Butterflies arise. I've touched him everywhere tonight and I should be used to the thrill, but I don't think I'm ever going to get over it.

How is it that this gorgeous man wants me like this? How can he look at me like I'm so...precious to him? How can he set aside all the ugly imaginings he must have about my past two years?

I guess because he doesn't have ugly imaginings. He just doesn't think about it, or doesn't care about the things he knows I've done.

It's a gift...the freedom he gives me from my past.

When I was stroking him off, I didn't worry that he would wonder how I learned to pleasure a man like that. The truth is...my sex skills were a facade made from desperation. I look like the kind of girl that would be good in bed. So I became that, to attract men with means. Men with drugs. 

It wasn't me. It was never me.

Until tonight.

That was me—all of me—pleasuring Leed. He freed me, so I can become that with him.

And now he's asking me to walk farther into freedom.

But the slash marks on my right side will drag us back into the past.

My hand goes unconsciously to my top, pulling it down.

"I promise, I won't pull your top up," he says. "But I shouldn't have bothered to put your rings back on, because your hands are where I want to start." He sits up, completely comfortable in his nudity. He holds out a hand to me. "You can say no, Ashlynn. We can sleep. Or you can let me take good care of you. Or I can give you a massage and you can tell me to stop at any time. You can always say no to me at any point. I swear."

I close my eyes. I know what he thinks. I know why he's so careful. I should tell him the truth. It would relieve some of his worries. I never want to make him worry.

I don't put my hand in his, but I use mine to tip his up and lace our fingers. "Leed...I need to tell you something, okay?"

He swallows heavily. A look like dread comes into his eyes, but nothing in his face tenses. "You can tell me anything, baby."

"My...anxieties about sex...I...wasn't raped, if that's what you are thinking."

He nods slowly. "I wasn't sure, but the thought had crossed my mind. I'm glad that you never had to suffer that. But rape is not the only kind of hurt a woman can suffer at the hands of a man. Mac wasn't raped, but she was definitely assaulted. She carries that. She'll carry it forever."

"I know..." I whisper. "I just wanted you to know...it's not sex...or being touched...that I'm afraid of."

He nods. He's slowly sliding my rings back off my hand. "But you are afraid? Of men?"

I bite my lip. "Not afraid. Not of you. I'm just...not ready to show you my scars, because there are things I'm not ready to tell you tonight."

"I've already promised you not to uncover your scars. So...you have to decide whether or not you trust that promise."

We stare at each other. He's right. It's pretty simple. It's a matter of trust, and my heart is so full for this man, I decide to take the leap.

"I do trust you," I squeeze his hand. "There's one other thing, though."