Years of Dying

Chapter One

My name is John Laurens.

I am writing this to keep my sanity.

And because the Captain said that it would help cure me of my depression.

I have to pause while writing that last sentence because all of my terrible suppressed memories come flooding back. But my usual nightmares of my father abusing me, my mother dying, and all of the pain that was inflicted on me during my childhood is accompanied by new memories. Memories such as the fight the rebels had against the British in the corridor; and myself leading the rebels to safety across the desert. Those are painful to relive, but not as painful as seeing Alex crying on the bathroom floor or remembering the tears in my eyes as I saw Alexander's body lying beside a crater. But he wasn't dead, he was alive. And while trying to run with him back to the forest I was captured by the British and taken away from him and Lafayette. Possibly the best thing that's happen to me since then is that Captain George isn't treating me like a prisoner, he's treating me like an ally, although I haven't agreed to work for him. But he's asked me several times already.

That's probably the reason why one of his messengers comes knocking on my bedroom door. I turn around and take in the small room while walking towards the door. A wooden desk, a small bed with real sheets instead of the rags they use in the mines, and a beside cabinet to keep my nonexistent belongings.

     I cross the room and open the door. On the other side I see Samuel Seabury standing there. I immediately slam the door in his face. This is part of the reason why I hate it here so much, all these people that I despise are working for the Captain and I have to see them. It's been two weeks since I was kidnapped by I still find myself clenching my fists whenever I see Charles Lee or Seabury passing by in the hallway. Not that I have anywhere to go really, so I stay in my room as much as possible.
     "M-Mr. Laurens!" a timid voice calls through the door. In my rage I open the door again with such force, the doorknob crashes into the wall and leaves a small crack there.
     "Don't call me that!" I shout at Seabury, making heads turn in the hallway. "Don't call me anything! Don't talk to me! Don't come near me!" I make to close the door anything but Seabury lodges his foot between the door and the wall.
     "Ow! Um- L-Laurens the Captain requests your presence in his office, s-so-" Seabury starts but I cut him off.
     "I'm not going! I'm staying here." I say, and I sit on my bed with finality.
     "B-but the Captain will punish you if you don't go! And me for that matter." Seabury continues, opening the door wider so he can get a better look at me.
     "Good! You deserve to be punished you asshole! You shot Lafayette, I'll never forgive you for that!" I yell at him, and it's true. While Lafayette and I were walking through the tunnels that stretch out through the quarry, Seabury caught up to us and shot Laf in the shoulder.

     That was the scariest time of my life, because right after Laf fell to the floor several more guards, following the sound of the gunshot, found us and dragged us to where the other hostages were being kept. Luckily, one of the slaves being held hostage named James Madison was a practiced nurse was able to patch Lafayette best he could. So Laf didn't die that day, but it was close. To close.
     "T-this isn't about me! Are you going to the Captain or not?" Seabury questions.
     "No!" I spit back at him.
     "Fine! I'll make sure the Captain punishes you." Seabury says, and he turns and storm out of the room. He's already punishing me. I think, and I sink back into the pillows on my bed, and stare up into the ceiling. He forced me to work in the mines, he made me watch as he killed people in front of me. He tortured me, and Laf and Herc. Herc. Hercules Mulligan. My childhood best friend. He must be somewhere here, here in the Captain's base but I was warned not to go looking for him. Captain George told me that if I did find him, he'd kill Hercules. He didn't need him anymore because the only reason he had kidnapped Herc and sent a robot in place was to spy on us. But now he has me, and that's all he wanted. Although I don't know why he'd want someone as useless as me.

     He also made me hear my mothers voice again. I think to myself, still staring at the tiles on the ceiling. He did make me hear her again, it was to unhinge me, I'm sure of it. But he called it a present when he told me about it. I demanded he stop, and he has. For now. But thinking about this makes me worry worse then ever because it makes me wonder, could he read my brain? When did he do this? Why did he do this? And all the answers I can come up with is that he must have done in while I was asleep one day in the mines, but I still don't know why. Thinking about the mines is like thinking about a past life, and although I couldn't call that time "happy", I was happier than I am here. Because I had Herc and Laf, and for the briefest time, Alex.

     I would give anything to see Alex again, because talking to him made me fill up with hope, happiness, and a feeling I can't describe. If I had him with me, I wouldn't be lying here, I would be escaping out of here, back to the rebel's base, with Hercules by my side. But that's useless. It's useless to think about, because the base is destroyed, and everyone else might be dead for all I know. And Alex isn't here. And I'm all alone, in the clutches of my greatest enemy.