Heart of Glass [manxman]

Chapter Twenty

Night had fallen. Past the windows and demonic barriers, all the way out to the clearing in the courtyard, the sky was black and cloudy. Rain peppered against the windows, providing noise to break the silence. It was strange for things to be so quiet. There were at least 75 people within the five rooms. Only a few of them were out on the recon assignment, and as far as I knew, everyone else had migrated to the other four rooms, leaving me alone in the last one on the right where I'd settled to nap in the supply closet.

75 people in five rooms and everyone still maintained their distance from me. How sad was that? Even when space was limited, everyone was willing to sacrifice their own comfort so they didn't have to get close to me... It wasn't that I wanted 30 other people in there, talking and shouting and doing whatever else. It spoke volumes about me though, and about how they all saw me.

Before, I thought I was annoying, a jackass, an inconvenience. Now? Well, I was just unbearable. Dr. Ponds shouldn't have wasted the meds on me. What good would it do to have the Aquireign gone when someone that everyone loved and cared about was gone? What happened if Dr. Ponds or Meredith died because I used up the meds they needed?

All I would have was more blood on my hands, but the others? They would be devastated. They would lose family... I never should've left Louis to come teach. Instead of running, instead of pretending like I deserved a new life, I should've just ended it. No one needed me. No one wanted me. That was fine. I knew it. I just should've taken care of it sooner, ended it so Louis could've moved on, so Rainier wouldn't have had an attachment to the school, and so the Aquireign wouldn't have come back.

Gods, why hadn't I ended it?

I pressed my hand against the window. The cool glass ran right through my skin, into my bones, and made me ache.

The Covenant would execute me after the Aquireign was gone. It would be over then. And, if by some horrendous series of events and they didn't, well, I would have to take care of it myself. I couldn't keep going like that, leaving destruction and death in my wake. Pain and death clung to me like a second skin. It was everything I wanted to protect Louis from. It was everything I prepared my students for and prayed they never had to face.

A soft, short knock on the divider broke me from my reverie. I glanced over my shoulder to find Louis standing there, hair disheveled, like he'd ran his hands through it all day. He'd lost his tie, his coat, a few buttons of his shirt were unfastened. My dog tags hung around his neck, barely peeking out of his shirt. Again, he looked exhausted.

He shouldn't have had to deal with all of this, not again, not after the first time. He deserved a whole hell of a lot better.

"Hey," he said.

"Hey."

"Your color's coming back. You look a lot better than you did."

"You look like hell."

Louis snorted and scratched the back of his head. "It's been a long day."

I leaned against the window. "You heard anything from the recon team yet?"

"No, but they just headed out a couple hours ago. If things go as planned, they shouldn't return until sunrise. I want as much info as they can physically gather, nothing less."

"You always were a hard ass."

"You're one to talk." He shifted his weight onto his other leg, biting at his lower lip. He was nervous, like he didn't really want to be there.

I frowned. "Please tell me you don't want to talk."

And just like that, his face fell. Forehead wrinkling, eyes pleading and searching my face, everything about him deflated. That was exactly why he'd come in. "Alexei—"