the winter of dead

i

the dead of winter. when the occasional rumblings of vehicles were the only sounds breaking up the unsettling silence. the darkest, coldest, quietest, still parts of the night. the rest of the world asleep, trapped in a motionless state of blurred thoughts and wildest of dreams, the silence more chilling than the temperature outside. it would have seemed that the world beyond bedrooms and closed doors had erased noise permanently. it was fascinating, almost too peaceful. if only i had a power switch to transform my life from its typical chaos to the dead of winter whenever i pleased. every so often throughout the mysterious winters, i stayed awake into the dead of winter nights as the cold crept into my skin, trapped. there's something about being the only one awake that makes you feel...powerful. yet with this much power and somewhat responsibility comes paired with an underlying feeling that is overwhelming and fearful. but, at this moment, i felt calm. for the first time, in a long time, a relaxed state had struck my body. an excess of silence drove me insane so my earphones were now planted deep inside my ears so that the music washed over my body - the melody, replacing my bloodstream, the steady rhythm of the drums replacing my heartbeat. my hands rested behind my head, fingers interlocked through my hair like embroidery. i laid on my bed, on top of the sheets and stared up at the ceiling, which might as well have been a pit of darkness or a black hole, too dark to make sense of as my mind began to create images and swirls of color above me.

when the light stained the day, i would just wait until the sun would set and the other stars would show themselves, usually shy during the moon's presence under the purple sky.

i felt most alive during the dead of winter nights.

my phone suddenly jolted on my chest, the music briefly interrupted as my phone buzzed twice, then returned to its full volume. i picked my head up and turned over my phone. the time read 2:56 a.m. who else could be awake right now? who else chose these lonely hours over deep sleep? and why were they texting me?

hey sierra. you still up?

it was just jordan. she moved here a couple months ago from florida. her house is a couple blocks away from us; i'd seen her entertaining her younger brother with bubbles on some lazy august afternoons when i rode my bike this past summer. i didn't talk to anyone at school before jordan came into my life. we bonded rather quickly, and i didn't even know who i was before i met her. i guess i was unknowingly lost and found myself through her.

what she was doing up at 3:00 in the morning was beyond me. perhaps she couldn't sleep. or needed someone to talk to. no, that couldn't be it. jordan always had a line of people waiting to talk to her. she gave advice, she didn't need it. she knew exactly who she was and didn't need help from anyone, so she offered it to others instead. so why would she need advice, especially from me? it was a stupid thought that i brushed off immediately. instead of pondering the thousands of reasons why she was up and why she decided to text me, i chose to ask her myself. i paused the music and sat up, legs crossed with my back against the wall behind my bed, my phone screen illuminating my face as my thumbs rapidly clicked on the tiny keyboard.

i am actually. why are you
still awake? it's late

It's snowing

i looked up from my phone and reached forward to carefully pull back my curtain window. she was right. tiny beads of snow steadily fell from the sky, with a couple inches already packed together on the ground.

yeah, it is. first frost of the
season. you just wanted to
tell me that it's snowing lol