Butterfly

one

"mila! hurry up we're nearly there!" i heard from far in front of me. how this child got his energy i don't know, but i certainly couldn't keep up with it, my breaths uneven and jagged as i clutched my chest, surrendering to the pain. i doubled over, my mouth hanging open. i knew beau would be excited to come to the zoo, but i didn't expect that he'd want to run the whole way from the bus stop.

way to go mila, about to have an asthma attack and ruin your brothers day

as i raised my head up, just to check that i hadn't lost him in the sea of people, i see him standing with his arms crossed over his chest, the grumpiest look to grace earth on his face. i put my index finger up in symbol to give me a minute, and rested my head back down against my chest, my hands on my knees. this was going to be a fucking long day. i stood up straight and brushed myself down, walking over to beau and taking the impatient 5 year olds hand.

"beau sweetheart, as much as i want to run everywhere with you, i'm just not able" i tell him, as we walk, taking a deep breath to compose myself "so today it would be really helpful if you could just" i took a pause to steady my erratic breathing "stay close to me, and we can travel at a walking pace. can you do that?"

i looked down at the blonde boy and ruffled his hair as he grinned toothily back at me. we were approaching the gates to pay to enter, and i got my debit card out of my purse, praying that it wouldn't be declined. i should have enough money, i've been scrimping and saving all month to take him here to see the animals as his special summer holiday trip.

when he first told me he wanted to go to the zoo i was amazed. he's always been a car and tractor kind of child- more into vehicles than any animals or cuddly toys, but when he broke into this speech about how they were studying elephants at school, and he wanted to keep one as a pet, it was sealed- i was taking him to the damn zoo whatever happened.

we reached the desk, and i insert my card into the machine. i felt the worry wash away when the woman smiles at us, and attaches two bands to our wrists and tells us to enjoy our day. beau's face looks like it could break with a smile as we pushed through the safari themed gates into what was his essential version of heaven.

it was his first trip anywhere without mam and dad, but they said they thought he was finally mature enough to go. bedsides, i'm 19 so it's not like i'm totally incapable of looking after him.

as long as we forget about that time you dropped a cooking book on his head when he was 3.

he grasped my hand as was suddenly dragging me in whatever direction he wanted, and i felt like i was going to be sick with the speed this damn boy was running at, and the motions he was swerving in. i held my breath, expecting to be dragged into people, but everyone moved for him. i mean, who wouldn't move for a small, gappy, smiling child with tanned skin, blonde hair and blue eyes? he was the most gorgeous child, and had the totally opposite genes to me, looking identical to our mother. i, on the other hand, took our dads genes- brown hair, brown eyes and paler skin. beau was the looks and i was the brains to this sibling-ship. or more, in this case, the money. could i call it that? i think i just made a word up. i giggled to myself, and only realised we'd stopped walking (or more running at the pace he was moving) when i look down and see a very confused beau, squinting up at me with a concerned look on his face.

i look up and around, taking my surroundings in. we were stood on a wide, long path. on my right was the elephants, and the left the giraffes. looking back down at beau, i absorbed his excited expression.

"come on bud. what do you want to do first?" and he squealed the most genuine, happy sound out, balling his fists up and jumping on the spot.

he dragged me through the edge of africa section, earning a laugh from me when i saw the dik diks. he questioningly looked up at me, and i panicked, saying they were my favourite animals and i was just happy they were here.