My Self Harm Story

My Relapse

On a January night I received a text message saying that my brother, the one who saved me & helped me was dead ... I just .. wow .. I think part of me .. well all of me died that night, I was now all alone, nobody to help me when I needed them. I couldn't. All I thought about was just cutting, & I did. I never felt so ashamed in my life but it's something I had to do. I had to get this pain away by adding more pain in.

I remember all it was in the middle of my freshman year when that happened & all my friends would say how sorry they felt & how 'things will get better' or 'they knew how I felt' but they didn't, they didn't know what this horrible feeling was, all the memories of me being bullied & being pushed, picked around came back. I never felt more scared & alone in my life. But once again my razor blade came back & became my friend.

I guess I was in such denial that he had died that I ignored everyone else & just cut, even tried commuting suicide .... that's when I knew I hit low .. very low.

Then something happened ...