The 14th Tape

Pre Tape:

A/n: this story talks about mental health issues and drug/alchohol abuse. If you're sensitive to any of those topics please refrain from reading this, I in no way want to hurt anyone by writing about this. I will never write about a character being raped, even we all know in the show it happened theres no reason for me to write fanfiction about a character being raped. I will not remove it from the story but I will refrain from writing it happening, I'll bring it up and I will say that it happened but once again, you wont have to read about someone being raped while it's happening. Some things in this story may be just a little bit different than in the TV show, I plan on writing this all the way up to season 3 and then maybe 4 when it comes out./////

I dont remember why Hannah came here. I havent slept in days, my heart hurts and every muscle in my body feels like it's being pulled apart by a thread. Yet I still stand here in the doorway of Bryce Walkers house, with Hannah's hand on my sleeve trying to pull me out down the granite stairs to her car.

"Please, Lay I'm worried about you. Cant I just take you home?" She says, a much more pleading look in her eyes than in her voice. Like she's trying to get a message across to me that she doesnt want to say out loud. Its similar in the way Justin tries to get me to hangout with him at Bryces parties, instead of hanging out with Bryces friends. Similar in the way when we were younger that he would ask me if I wanted to watch TV with him while moms boyfriend came and visited.

"Hannah I'm fucking fine, you dont know what's going on with me right now I deal with this in my own way-"
She pulls me forward and my weak body gives out, I hear my wrist and shoulder pop as my bare feet slap against the cold granite. I hiss out a sharp pained gasp, Hannah let's her grip loosen.

"You're freezing, you havent slept in days, you have vastroconstriction in your legs. You need to go to a hospital. Lay this is serious, when was the last time you ate? It's not safe for you right now, please at least just come over and you can shake this off in a safe place." Oh, now shes whispering. Cool, Hannah. Is that how you want to play this?

"What do you have against Bryce? I'm fucking fine theres nothing wrong with me, theres nothing for me to shake off what do you think the hell I am?" I snap at her, ripping my small hand out of her grasp and jutting a finger at her. My Liberty Highschool Volleyball jacket slides off of one of my shoulders, exposing my bare clavicle and a giant bruise that follows all the way to my neck. Purple and green. I look like a mess right now and to anybody who would see this fight and not know the context, the obvious answer is that I need to leave with Hannah. Right now.

But you see, I'm not in the right state of mind. When am I ever? I'm here for one reason, and thats because Bryce knows. Apparently now Hannah does and I wasnt ready for that. I've been close to her, when she first got here we were really close, and then one day we just weren't. And now shes here, at Bryces trying to get me to come over just because she found out about my little problem.

"What gives you the right Baker? How fucking dare you." I yell at her, finally giving into what she wants. I step forward and shove her towards the pool. She stumbles back mostly in surprise, because it's obvious that at this point I cant do shit. It even hurts me more to shove her like this, it knocks the wind out of me just to stand up sometimes. In the lighting she can see how bad it really is. The light right outside Bryces front door has a yellow tinge to it, and throughout all the darkness right now Hannah can see all.

She can see the purple and blue veins hidden in the bags under my eyes. Dark rings around them that rech almost to my gaunted cheekbones. My hair that's thinning out, and my skin that's so washed out it almost looks yellow. Like I look sick. My clothes hang off my body, almost like I'd be wearing Bryces or my brothers clothes. No these are mine.

Our height is the same but now we look much more different. I almost seem like im shorter than Hannah now, but I know thats not the case.

"Oh my God. Layla please." Hannah says quietly, her hair is shorter now and I can see that in the dark. She keeps looking around us as if checking to see if we're alone.

"Hannah I dont give a shit why you decided to come here and pretend that you care, is this some new moral high ground for you? Do you need to feel like you act better than me too?" I keep going and going and why wont I stop? I know I shouldnt be saying these things to Hannah. But everytime I say something she just backs up and up more. Shes almost ready to call it quits.

"If I wasnt your friend I'd just leave right now. It I didnt know why you're being the way you are right now I'd just leave. You're not like your brother and you're not like any of his or your friends.-"

"You're not my fucking friend." I say sternly, adjusting my hands infront of my in a big movement. I go to run my hands through my hair and just end up pulling out a good couple strands instead. Hannah see's this and her eyes go soft. Like she doesnt even care what I just said.

"Layla.." She trails off, taking something out of her pocket and putting it in my hand. The plastic feels cold and I can hear the rattling of something inside. She removes her hand to leave me with a bottle of adderall with Bryces name in the prescription.

"Where did you get these." The way I say it isnt a question, I feel my other hand want to make its way to her face but I keep it on the bottle, gripping the plastic because if I know it doesnt it's going right to her face. My eyes are stern and locked on her, pupils bigger than they would ever need to be.

"I've been worried I just didnt know how to-"
"Bryce!" I dont wanna hear it. Shes just going to sit here and tell me to come over so I can 'sober up' in peace like she knows what I'm going through.
"Layla no please-"

Why is Hannah crying. She has her hand on mine now, and it doesnt feel like she wants me to come to the car. It feels like she wants me to help her now. Shes holding my hand the way I held Justin's when we were little.

My eyes loose the hard touch, and now I'm just thinking. As soon as I yelled out for Bryce everything changed.

I havent been at school alot lately. I've been dealing with my own shit and so Bryce has essentially taken both Justin and I in for a while. I've always been appreciative of what Bryce does for me and my brother, and for how Bryce helps me with this specific problem that I have.

But the rumors are overwhelming me right now and currently only one of them makes sense if this is how Hannah is acting. I know this behavior when I see it.

"Okay. It isnt like we need to talk anyways. I'll just, um, text Bryce that I needed to go get something."