Caznowl...

Bluh title bluh.

It was a typical day in La Cañada, California…until Ms. Czerwicki found the body in her backyard. Immediately after finding the cadaver, she called the local authorities, who took the body away and outlined where it was on her lawn with spray-paint. The victim was Pazblo Sines, a bubbly young man who lived next door. His autopsy revealed he had been drowned in a saltwater pool.

          The local authorities soon called Caznowl Katowice, a young lady who was their most experienced and intelligent investigator. She arrived at Ms. Czerwicki’s house, and they had an offbeat conversation.

Mrs. Czerwicki drawled, “H’lo, Mrs. Katowice! You’ve a-come to investigate me house?”

“Um…it’s just Ms. Katowice. I’m not married.” Caznowl stammered. “And yes, I am here to…uh…examine the scene where Sines’ body was found.”

“Well, it’s just in the backyard. You can a-get there thro’ that gate.” Mrs. Czerwicki sputtered. She then promptly blacked out.

“Uh…Ms. Czerwicki? Are you okay?” Caznowl mumbled. “You seem to have…um…passed out on your front lawn.”

Ms. Czerwicki did not reply.

Caznowl gingerly trotted to the back gate and tentatively opened it. She stepped into the backyard. Directly in front of her was a spray-paint outline of where the body was found. Not far to the left, there was a small pool. The air carried the heavy musk of vodka. Caznowl assumed Ms. Czerwicki had passed out because she was drunk. She then shuffled to the back door when a young man jumped off the roof and into the pool. Caznowl squealed as if she was a piglet sleeping on a bed of nails.

The strange man splashed and swam around in the pool. Caznowl watched with ghastly horror. This went on for two hours, until the man finally noticed Caznowl. He climbed out of the pool and introduced himself.

“Heeeeee*hic*eeey! What’s your name*hic*?”

“Uh…” Caznowl was too frightened to say anything besides awkward utterances.

“It’s ‘kay. I’m a scary *hic* guy. M’name is *hic* Berlioz. Berlioz Si*hic*nes.”

“Um…it is nice to meet you, Berlioz. I am Caznowl Katowice, head investigator at…well…uh…the local investigation office.” Caznowl managed to reply.

“So *hic* you’re here to examine the *hic* scene o’ the crime?” said Berlioz.

“I…uh…don’t see any other reason why I would be here. In fact…um…I’m here because of legal reasons. I g-got permission from Ms. Czerwicki to…uh…examine this area.” Caznowl stuttered.

“You managed *hic* to get a word outta that insane *hic* drunkard?”

“Well…uh…a-after I finished talking to her, she passed out.”

“That seems *hic* eventful. With Czerwicki, you never *hic* know when you’re going to get a *hic* straight answer.”

“Um…is she drunk m-most of the time?”

“I’m fairly *hic* sure you know the *hic* answer to that question.”

“I…I…I need to get a straight answer from you. Czerwicki is…uh…already too-“

“ACHOOOOOOOOOO!!!”

“S-salud.”

“What in Mayan *hic* apocalypse does that mean?”

“It…um…is a thing you say in Spanish when someone s-sneezes.”

“Oh, really? I never *hic* knew!” Berlioz casually sipped a suspicious looking liquid.